Say Goodbye to Bitter Days.

Ladies, You're Beautiful.

2011-10-01T02:52:00.001+08:00

Hello Beautiful Ladies, I just wish you can gimme 5 minutes to read the following words...

That day I was hearing a girl weight 50kg with a height of 165cm+ wants to go slim, she claimed herself as fat. I was stunned and speechless because I know it's not her fault. It's the influence from the friends, Miss World, MTV, Channel [V], Hollywood and etc...

Truly I tell you, I picture in the near future girls will admire a skeleton with big breast on it.

Somehow anyway eventually...

If you think with that 40kg body + C-cup boobs + very fair skin + very 'real' make up + very big eye (XL-size color contact lenses) +.... I really don't wanna know more...

will impress a guy, and he'll fall in love with you.

I'll say, YOU'RE RIGHT!

THEY'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BODY+PRETTY FACE, and just wanna have SEX WITH YOU.

what's next?

SEX.

what's more?

MORE SEX.

what's more...

OH! YES! Your name? Where you from?

then?

Go to my house and have...

guess you don't wanna know the rest.

After you guys have been dating for sometime (approximately 2-3months if you guys have same group of friends, because other than sex you guys still can attend some party...)

For this time, girls will be thinking? Does he really love me?

Yes actually, but he haven't get a chance to know you well... knowing your heart well.

Because what you've projected it's the facade, your body, your curvy lines...
too many layers to go into your heart.

*I don't mean the guys are right because that's only what they can see, you're just way too attractive, externally.*

It's not wrong to be beautiful and attractive, but it's important to allow each other to know about each heart more...

If there's a guy just wish go out with you, just willing to spend time to talk to you, knowing your background, knowing your stories, knowing your been here done that.... not for the first few days or weeks... but at least 3 months, until you know him and his friends well enough.

Isn't it too long? Because iPhone 5 is releasing real soon?
I know that, I can't wait either, I'm in the fast world. That's why I said 3months, not a year.

Yes, that's why it's worth to check his heart girl. Unless you just need his body...

This is one of those 'IDEAL BODY' of today, she's DEV, SEX sell.

more...

Yes, even the guy on the left can't resist these... *even me while posting this*

These are what surrounding us daily, hourly... their songs... music videos... photos...
No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted.

Somehow just remember, we're Asians. *Assuming if you're...*
Don't expect everything to be American size/standard, it doesn't make sense, it's killing you.

Okay, it might sound like bullshit, but I'm telling this from a guy's perspective.

But I realized only a faithful, truthful and loving heart can help my relationship to last long, even eternally. I might sound stupid but I'm believing it.

Girls, you're beautiful enough to find a great lover, we just need to be faithful.

Maybe some bad past relationships are still haunting you.
Maybe you have lost faith in 'Fairy Tales'.
Maybe you don't see hope in this world.

Forgive them, and give Hope a chance.

I'm a believer of God, faith is what lead to happiness.
I'll pray for the people who read this post,

for the girls, be more confidence of your heart instead of your external beauty,
for the guys, let's learn how to look into her beautiful heart, I'm still learning too.

Don't hurt their heart, they are as fragile as yours.

Thanks for reading.

Love & Hope,
Vin Peaceman.

Build Good Brand, Build Good World.

2011-06-27T22:38:00.004+08:00

Hello Ladies, Gentlemen as well.

What's brand?

A guarantee?

A belief?

A personality?

A significant?

and so on...

But most of us choose a brand because we just feel........... good about it.

Every brand stands for something.

Apple stands for different.

Coke stands for joy.

Petronas stands for patriotic.

and so on...

I'm gonna share about this brand that stand for female's self esteem.

I hope you like it.

and yes, I wanna build a brand like this, can help and change the world.

Our perception is start shaping until the day we die and rot in the ground.

People says advertising is a dirty job, asking you buy for no reasons,

I think is because they misused this powerful marketing tool.

I'm gonna say, is an influential job. It depends what content you put in.

Want to change the world into a better place with me?

send me a resume @ vin@joescher.com

Joescher + Adhaus will be the place for your passionate heart, to change the world.

Vin Peaceman,

will build a good positive brand.

Social Smoker

2011-06-13T03:13:00.005+08:00

Yes, I was just a social smoker...

FML?

2011-06-08T01:56:00.006+08:00

FML basically is a quite highly used words on the web, twitter/facebook and now almost in everyone's life.

What does it mean? Simply is F* My Life.

It shows that everyone's life isn't that good, I guess. Everyone is cursing their life! I've a realtime proof below.

Alright, almost every minute there's people cursing about their life, that's why Hollywood is using 'End of the world' idea to make more money *since everyone agree life sucks*

I'm just really curious? How can you find your life is so bad?

If you have a chance of reading this post, which mean you are living in an exclusive group of people on earth, who has ability to read english!? to surf the web? You have a car to college? OMG you must be kidding me? You're confusing about what to eat later?

No exaggeration here my people, here's the fact ratio (1%, no joke, source here : http://www.slideshare.net/lukeharveypalmer/globalvillage )

Come on peeps, we're the very exclusive group of people! People out there is like, huh!? Computer?? Why is it so small and it can be placed in a pocket!?

Anyway, I know it's not easy to be positive, I used to be a biggest whiner in town. Why the sky is so blue la, why LDP so many cars la, why my dog so small la, why my laptop so big la and so on and now I've stopped and you know what?

I've found a better FML!

I've FOUND MY LIFE!!! instead of cursing it.

It sounds really easy huh? But come on it's just that easy and it comes in 1-2-3, I promise you.

So step 1,

Stop cursing your life, really. Stop it. Don't curse other's too.

Step 2,

Ask yourself why are you here in your life? God makes you for a reason. Don't know? Try to think what's your dream? What is your desire in life other than fancy over people's stuffs.

(Do you know what status means? Buying something that you don't need with the Money that you don't have and Impress the people that you don't like.) Yeah, just so pointless rite?

Step 3,

Found your dream, pursue your dreams. How? When there's a will, there's a way.

(Special Case : Never have a dream before?) Google! Find interest in the world! There's so many interesting stuffs to do in life. Now the Top 5 best paid jobs in the world were never exist 5 years ago.

Back then I really love to drink, my attendance to the pub in TTDI is way better than go to college classes. Average spending RM50/night but now I see bigger value in it, I'm raising 2 kids by World Vision every month for just I don't go to drink for 2 times.

Here's my kids! Vanhnock (9 y.o girl) and Panjai (13 y.o boy)

How can I afford to go to drink but not feeding them?

Yesterday Vanhnock's mom send me a letter and thanks me, and she said Vanhnock's ambition is to become a soldier to protect her community and bring peace to earth. I'm so touched. This is one of my happiest moment in life currently, I'm being thanked for saving someone's starvation. Sponsor 1 now too, I promise you this act will never make you feel regret/lost.

She reminds me of my young time, and she gave me a bigger dream,

I want to bring peace to the world, by starting from these small blog posts.

So guys, life isn't so bitter after all :D

Vin Peaceman - building hopes, building smiles.

Let's stand up people!

2011-05-16T01:42:00.003+08:00

Good morning my friends,

how's life lately? If you're still reading my blog I guess life isn't that bad (yes, indeed because I always feel blessed to live single day) because if you woke up this morning in good health, you have more luck than one million people, who won’t live through

the week.

Alright! Let's stand up people!

What I wanna share about this time "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything."

Maybe some of you might have heard that long ago but it's okay, I'll make it simple here.

Alright, this principle goes like this...

I used to be a smoker (guess most people still thought that I am),

but I've actually quit, totally (since end of December 2010, and I pray will keep on going until the day I die.)

It's not about if you think you can do it, then eventually you can do it.

But it's about what are you standing for, what are you living for in your life.

I used to just live for myself, live for the day, so my life can be quite irresponsible. Because I just live for myself. So all these 'Cool' acts came out, smoking like a chimney, drink like nobody can out drink me (but actually I can't take more than 3 shots of ABC), drunk driving as if I can really reach home safely (with 1 eye opened try-to-focus-driving) and so on...

Life is pretty easy huh?

Until last year, the anniversary of us, JC & Vin. Wow! It's so lovely, we went here and there, doing body check-ups and dental visit and so on... and we have dinner... so there's a thought in my mind, baby, for the first anniversary, my gift for you is... quit smoking... She's like... so happy and touched. The best gift ever in her life, and so I've stopped buying cigarette.

(the first week is so so so so so tough..., almost I feel like there's a driller attached on my ass so i can't sit still....*eehhehzehehzhehehehzehehheh*... like this.)

It was going quite smooth and great, until...

I gave myself an 'exception',

which human loves to create this kind of exception, even Paramore sings it...

It's a fun night @ some bistro celebrating my sister's/her boyfriend's birthday,

I was so so so tempted to smoke...

so I went to JC and asked... baby... can I have a.....stick.....of....

even so she's not happy/not-willingly allowed me to do so, so I had it.

It breaks her heart badly, I didn't think of I actually take back our first anniversary gift from her hand, and it can't be replaced anymore, I'm so so sorry for that.

so things go on, more exceptions happened like, social smoker only la, when alcohol is around la, go to Melbourne (because it's vacation so my quitting cigarette are allowed so)

I failed to quit.

But I didn't feel bad until one day...

we talked about this quit-smoking issue...

eventually she asked me not to promise her again,

because she can't take it again when a gift is going to be taken away again.

I feel like a plastic bag (thanks to Katy Perry), I mean I feel whatever I say is totally worthless, nothing, piece of crap.

I feel guilty, so 1 of my year 2011 goals, is to quit smoking. When I wrote it down, I doubted, but I know if you can't even quit a small stick of cigarette, don't talk about creating good stuff in my life. Even the world is convinced but I'm not.

Just a decision + accountability (telling people around me not letting me do it at all, if they love me, don't let me do it.)

So, I made it through.

Thank you JC for trusting me again, thank you.

Today, I'm more assure to do things with an end in mind, because I can make it through.

If I stand for justice, I will not bribe/disobey the law/make an illegal U-turn in my taman...

If I stand for positive, I will not swear/curse/turn people down.

If I stand for stop smoking, I will not light a cigarette for myself/others.

Once again,

the principle...

If you don't stand for something, you fall for everything (especially the exceptions)

1. Stand for something is meaningful for yourself

2. If you fail, don't see yourself a failure because you're not your result, human improvise.

3. No exceptions, if you wanna success.

4. Keep standing, just like baby till death, you'll fall down sometimes, but just remember to stand up.

Today, I'm here to stand for something again,

sharing some positive contents with you, my friend.

Let's stand for life, for your life.

Vin Peaceman, standing for positivity.

Going dot com

2011-04-11T22:49:00.001+08:00

www.vinpeaceman.com, will be redirected to here again :D

Redefine My Life

2011-04-11T01:12:00.006+08:00

Hello people, seems like my posts are getting positive and I hope my readers still enjoy.

I'm right now listening Viva la Vida, Coldplay which I lately found out most of the Coldplay's songs I loved are few of the 1001 Songs must be listened before you die, an interesting book which you can find in any Boarders, I guess I've pretty good taste yet somehow Ladygaga only has 2 songs in the book, yet Aerosmith has more than 10 songs in there already.

I guess somehow how do we define a good songs, basically it's not just the melody but the lyrics somehow play the communication role in it.

Remember few years back I was so lost and start looking into my life again...

I start knowing myself more, my life isn't depend on one's life but is to live the way I want it to be, I started acted crazy and start writing blogs! (my first post after awakening) Sure is interesting to see how far I've grown, and keep growing. Yes, I wanna be a man and I'm being one. Giving direction to myself and people around me, is not just because I just wanna act smart but I just wanna spread more positive thoughts into people's life.

Then miracles just happened and everything went so well, I guess I'm blessed by one of those gods out there yet I wanna find out now, I wanna know who's is the god out there (maybe he planned that I'm going to find out now real soon, LOL!) Are you ready to be found!?

Ok, look here people, my dearest readers. If you've glanced or looked through my old posts which obviously you know I've changed tremendously! Not just because I met my love, I had my greatest family, I joined the coolest company, Joescher+Adhaus, and so on, is because I found myself again and start having big dreams in life! There's a calling...

*ring ring*

Kurt Seiger : Hey Vin whaddup?

Vin Peaceman : Kurt! Where have you been?

Kurt : Life is getting better yea, seems like getting more likes in Facebook yeah.

Vin : Ok ok lah, humble a bit better geh.

Kurt : Anyway how's the pathway going to your goal?

Vin : Going great, going great! Thanks for your support all these while...

Kurt : Aiya.... buddy ma....

and the conversation goes on...

FYI, Kurt Seiger was some I so called the creative fellow (my passionate creative thoughts who wakes me up in the midnight) and lemme start thinking crazy and wild!

Now I know, he's my faith to believe in myself making good stuffs happen on earth, the world is filled with disasters and sad news lately, how can I make earth a better place but I'm just a designer? Yes! I can create more positive thoughts! I guess positivity is an energy, when more people believe in something, something will happen even better. Like now people believe in Steve Job instead of Gates, Windows also quite good geh...

I'm glad that I still can write today, let more people can read my thoughts, my gone through, my mistakes and my turning points. It might not worth a single cent today, but I'm sure it worth million dollars in the future, people take me as a reference from a peanut turn into a bigger peanut, no lar.... heheheh... turn into a groundnut, no lar... hehe... coconut?

Okay, from a nobody turned into somebody with great positive influence!

I'm going to redefine what's a good life! I'm going to redefine what's happiness! I'm going to redefine advertising for my career! I'm going to redefine what's really good for you and our future generations!

If we're gonna party until 2012 and realize that's not the end of the world, you might gonna be a slave for debts & materials for the rest of your life *DING! Anyone awake?*

Alright! Good Night People!

Be with me, create more good news!

Fly, with responsibilities.

2011-02-16T02:49:00.002+08:00

If you're gonna go out tonight (to the club) till really late and your parents were asking...

"Where ya going?"

We will usually say,

a) midnight show lar, 2hours plus show.

b) friend's house, pillow talk (then you can dress up @ friend's place)

c) yumcha lar, catch up with a long lost friend (who ah? It might be a friend you are not close at all but went to overseas for long)

so another 999 more excuses (lies) to come up.

Is a habit I know, because we thought if we tell the truth will end up like...

a) What? What you say ah!?

b) Club, play basketball ah so late?

c) Why you go this kind of place, dangerous la... aiyo + nag nag nag nag x100

so another 999 more assumptions will pop up as well.

Why we lied?

Because of fear, fear of what?

(argument, will be grounded, nags, crazy calls... basically troubles to stop us go party)

Why we assume?

Because that's what we got when we were young...

Ultimately, do you think our parents really believe our nature-reacted-beautifully-justified lies?

Maybe for the first or second, max at second.

They will just flipping themselves on the bed or watching series/programs that we thought they are so into it until we reach home, and when we got home we will act like...

"Eh, so late didn't sleep ah. I go shower then sleep lo, night!" *Door slams* (will avoid the distance so they don't smell alcohol/cigarettes)

After all these, I've decided not to lie years back, I took off the fear and tell them what is actually happening out there (100% without filter/justification), in the end, what i gained from them is trust, trustworthy that worth more than 100millions.

Ultimately, I gained freedom to live myself from the bottom of my heart.

Family should be the people contains no artificial harmony, in another word we shouldn't hide any things from them. You're in love, you tell, you're hungry, you tell, you're hurt, you tell, you disagree, you speak and ultimately you just can be yourself at home, Mama I'm home!

Taking care of the family feelings and lives, is a responsibilities for every single family member.

Let's start to make a change now and build a happy and unite family.

Communicate with your most truthful heart to them is the most beautiful thing you can do for the family.

Vin Peaceman, learning and building loves around him.

P/S : Thanks Jia Chian for building it with me too, happy valentine's day.

Composed First Guitar Song

2011-01-13T01:18:00.003+08:00

This song sounds super amazing for me!

It sounds like a broken stereo playing for my neighbours, i guess.

[ Rock + + Peaceman(New Genre in the future) ]

Let me name the song now : Peaceman's Sunrise

please find link below for the demo,

Obviously is a joke lar, I won't upload geh until can presentable a bit first.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!

Seriously that's one of breakthrough in 2011, so fast got something already.

I guess the mindset is super important, when you believe in something, something give you power. I believe in Positive Energy & Jokes (Imma anti-racism, no worries)

There's an experiment for 2 kids,

They eat, shit, learn, sleep and so on for a week.

The difference is (not the skin colour la ppl...) is one is surrounded by positive words like Love, Happy, Cheerful, Angel, Joy, Fun and Sweet..., vice versa for the other kid is filled by Hate, Anger, Jealous, Evil, Sadness, Upset, Danger, Fear...

Kid with Positive surroundings :

Learn faster, happier (memanglah), cheerful, healthier and more patient to solve a problem.

Kid with Negative surroundings :

Can't learn, give up easily, grumpy, impatient, hateful, and cries a lot.

My Point is,

surround yourself with Positive things and contents, you'll become more positive, more powerful, and definitely live a happier life.

Try to make a positive change this year, start the next second.

Vin's Point of View : The Media is feeding us everything, we need know how to filter.

E.g. : Ke$ha donates to charity?(HUH!!?) / Taylor Swift smashed guitar in concert? (What the Fisherman!?)

We actually know what's available out there, just what contents you wanna choose. That's why I don't really listen to radio, I choose my fav songs.

Alright, hope you peeps got something good today. So long~ :D

Impressed by Vin Peaceman, again.

2010-12-21T02:14:00.007+08:00

was browsing through friends blog just now,

it's been a long time didn't happen this kind of act.

somehow, found they are still pretty active on web.

Social Media rules the world once again.

Of course lucky my friends are not dorks just updating blogs at home and live in a virtual world. *proud of my friends*

Since I got into the grid of twitter, is much much easier to express myself and share my life in minutes. Hope I still can write, but not like back then. Just surprised that how can I write such a long blogs back then, story la... my so called artistic thoughts la... I can't even understand at all. I feel lucky to have my soul back now (real soul)

Hahaha! anyway! 2010 is been a great year for me.

Family is still so hilarious and humorous as usual.

with my Jia Chian, ups and downs of course but I'm glad that still making her smile.

Career, I'm happy, thinking healthy (positive) and purposeful (art director/copywriter)

Finance wise, boleh tahan, boleh pakai, boleh beli Uniqlo la. LOL!

How are you guys!? reply @ my CBOX please. Hehehehehehe!

Seriously I didn't know I was quite negative towards life back then and kept writing things that now myself can't understand fully but now I'm glad I still can write like a human. (tell me I'm right)

I saw myself grew a lot, not the meat obviously but working on it. I started to make a change in my life. My mentor Mr.Joescher Chee, inspired me about life a lot. There's no way I don't give him a credit wei, and also Mr.Teh Chan Thye, My Creative Director +++ he proved me how to be immortal. Thanks to them, thanks to Joescher + Adhaus.

Life is too short for you to do things that you're not happy with.

Thanks for the unlimited courage and support from my dearest, Jia Chian and my family never stop me doing things I wanna do.

I'm lucky again, still on the top of the world *proud dou~*

Well friends, let's do an exercise.

Try to write down your achievements of the year before we're gonna countdown and drink drink drink and forgot what happen next day.

Just give ourselves 10minutes, to write down what you've achieved this year 2010.

You'll surely be amazed!

For me spend a 3days trip with my family @ Cameron Highland is an achievement.

Successfully quit ciggy for 4months is one of it though (will do it even better next year)

Had a beautiful trip with my love @ Melbourne definitely is not to be missed.

Got promoted as an Art Director and Copywriter is a satisfaction in my industry.

I've wrote down more than 30+ achievements, is not to brag but is to tell you can do so.

Knowing what you have achieved is good, then you know how to appreciate life better. *If it doesn't work, call me out and I'll allow you to do a bottle smash on my head.*

Opps, is gonna be a long winded Vin again,

once again wish you guys Happy New Year in advance and please do something meaningful before we rush off the year again.

Love,

Vin Peaceman

my foresight

2010-03-09T01:24:00.002+08:00

it's been a while i didn't share my life in details,

might be busy for work but fortunately no whining,

maybe for a while in my mind yet i know we'll make it through,

lucky to have a team like no other agencies.

my dearest soul mate, Dier.

How's our Valentine's Day?

I didn't ask officially but yet her smile embraced my heart.

I'll still try to make a great show, not just owning a 'strawberry farm' on my Facebook status.

I'd afraid things change not under control, just like the disasters these days,

earthquake, tsunami, hail storm and weird murders...

insecure is what surrounding in our lives,

I wanna ensure but I can't.

I love you,

planning and doing what's the best for our 5 to 10 years ahead,

no longer dragging stuffs and slumber on the wastes.

you made me so sure.

so sure.

hope you love my trembling guitar,

the typical love song,

my words to you,

my world.

my foresight,

i see a wife is whining about the weird husbands yet still make his favorite coffee in the morning,

the husband is painting a room and assembling his very creative crib,

not a big house but warm is what i'll smell and feel,

the garden filled with tulips and a mini grape farm,

a golden retrieval which the wife hated yet can't resist it's charm,

the grandma is watering her favorite tulips cleaning her old man ashtray,

the old man is sitting on the bench reading the eastern newspaper,

from the door of the house to the walking path to the red letterbox, crafted Peaceman.

my ideal world,

my made me foresee more, real more.

love,

vin peaceman

Don't follow me in Blogger already. Twitter.

2010-01-18T04:22:00.002+08:00

not offending blogger.com here but now I've lesser time to blog.

to glance a quick inspiring msg.

follow me @ http://twitter.com/vinpeaceman

i want to be a spinning DJ, for the moment again.

2009-12-29T23:03:00.001+08:00

even for the forth time, I'll still fall in love with you again.

2009-12-28T04:22:00.002+08:00

christmas is over,

i had the most wonderful gift ever.

it wasn't solid in a gift box,

but is the warmest blessing in my heart.

i love you, Ms.JC

christmas came really early this year.

we struggle, and we struggle again.

2009-12-12T00:41:00.002+08:00

by moving forward in life you just need to move forward i guess,

my senior gave me a courage sticker before she left.

"you can either stay back in safety or moving forward for growth"

i guess is something like that as long i get it.

by looking back almost a month in the company,

did i learn anything thing?

yes and you can't store all of them into you brain i think.

maybe i'm just too suck at life, maybe...

throwing temper to the other just to release my tension, i guess it doesn't work on me because i'm a masked man, but i did it already.

they stepped over my limit i guess,

i applied for a magazine graphic designer,

job should be just designing layout and explain why do i came out with this kind of design or maybe sometime i need to pick up phones and hit deadlines *i thought*

but now i need to come up with proposals and i need time to research and start planning an advertorial layout and apply in it yet must impress my boss with so called his 'cool' design and fusion and life stylish kind of thing in half day i guess then there's current jobs on my hands and feet too~!!! now could i execute them all at once?

i think i'm just too green~ i roughly calculated a time for coming up a whole good layout with quite okay contents and designs and also relevant for the magazine it takes at least 3-4hours. maybe i'm just too slow or what...

the boss is funny that he expected me to do the web as well~! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

of course i said i'll try my best and i already did. they still taking their own sweet time to hire their so called 'chosen one' to be their new web guy.

of course out there wouldn't have so many dumb asses like me got onto this sunkenship! fuck!

boss, and bosses. maybe i'm just too disqualified for your company and made you guys had high hope on me, now i'm about to fuck you guys off soon! unless i misjudged you in my post right now ( i hope that i misjudged you so you might gimme hope to stay. )

now my colleague another designer is about to leave too... hope she's just saying but if she's not happy of course wouldn't drag her along and sink with me.

working in a small size company, you can learn how to be your boss, in the kind of cheapskate boss yet wanna look so 'high rated'. i fuck you boss~ smoking cigar? if you just wanna show me you're the boss in that way, you might be too naive i must say.

the boss is someone even want to save electricity of a fax machine and asked the office boy to take out light bulbs from the office. OH NO!!!! you can afford to rent or buy the office suite in MID VALLEY yet you need to be so CHEAPSKATE!

damn~ i made my blog sound like a bitching blog!

suppose to be artsy yet no people understand and care what i write.

fuckers!

dear manager,

you're workaholic and i'm impressed somehow,

yet don't drag me in your swamp and try to be snobbish, you said you understand but pushing me at the same time, my eye swollen like bloody meatball dangling on my face yet you still did this!

"Dear vin, i hate to say this but could you possible to do this xxx advertorial for me? i need to meet the client in the evening."

fuck you and i didn't reply.

dear readers,

should i fuck them off?

or is my damn incapable?

there's my so called 'partners' (the boss claimed)

Boss - those who go buffet and must eat more than what he paid (he thought)

Marketing Director - the one who bunked to nowhere all time yet she so called operate the whole company... i guess... so...

Marketing Manager - workaholic, my senior claimed. She teamed up with the director and find clients and purpose our creative to get them in.

Office Boy -going with the flow of the company.

and 2 fresh designers, Intan and I.

I thought someone could help us on concept but so called marketing throw the balls on us.

I thought someone will oversee the magazine and we need to plan what we gonna feature in the magazine, even potential clients.

I thought there's a senior designer can teach me at least to do a good layout yet i'm the one who keep cracking it yet getting screw in the end.

we're like 2 blind mice keep banging around to get the cheese, but now i can't even smell it.

once again!

FUCK YOU BOSSES! SHOULDN'T HAVE SYMPATHY AND HUMANITY with you people.

since you don't treat us as human, we should care your feelings.

readers, should i just fuck them off or not?

vin, standing right infront of the crossroad and on quicksand

not so peaceman after all.

the lady in black oriental silky blouse

2009-12-10T00:29:00.002+08:00

it was in my dream days ago,

she seem like a little gloomy and yes she's my aunt,

she passed away years ago and that's her first visit of our new house.

she dressed in dark, so dark.

the atmosphere is sorrow, sourly sorrow.

i love her, i miss her, i miss her food, i miss her smile, i miss her toughness, i miss her so much.

in the living room with my mom and dad, we're so touched to see her yet feeling upset,

because i can't see her smiling this time, in my dream.

wanted to ask how are you but i just put up a light smile.

she seem like has something to tell me, or a lot of thing to tell me,

maybe a request, maybe a concern or maybe a glance of thought,

i don't know and i wanna know.

so long my lovely aunt, our last met you were happy and energetic,

i had fun shopping grocery with you in a paradise like supermarket,

but this time you're not happy, even the smile is so stiff and still in my memory.

is not a nightmare, is a reunion kinda dream.

i'm happy to see you yet not really.

confusing not disturbing,

trembling not touching,

i can't describe with my limited vocab.

please remember,

i'll never forget such a lovely lady like you,

a saint like lady has lived in my world for 18years.

my memories of you will never fade until death occurs.

love, desperate to hug you once again.

rest in peace my dear aunt with no pain and sorrow.

vin peaceman,

recalling his disconnected love, the gone away family member.

i killed my boss twice, in my chimerical world.

2009-12-07T12:54:00.001+08:00

tiny human, big performance.

2009-11-22T21:36:00.002+08:00

alright, had a good week of works and sweet time through out the weekend with my love,

me the lucky bastard has a very good resigned senior to teach me everything she had,

so thankful and grateful.

well... now i can confirm that my dad is really the most amazing boss in klang valley.

cause out there is really cunning, cunning and fucking cunning.

imagine a less than 10 employee company but making pure profit as those hundreds labor works factory, how smart is my boss to squeeze us till not even a single drop left.

sounds cruel and sad, but is a place to go through the hell like training.

good good good.... not that tough though, yet.

thanks love for giving me a such lovely weekend and i can reboost my soul to back to this 'dried out' studio.

working here makes me know through the whole bloody diploma course, i can only make use of 25% of what i had learned. others just some skin level information.

experience always defeat the books, how lucky i'm a practical but not so productive person.

bullshitting still might get be there, a while.

cheers, for the rough smelly earth yet some people still able to continue imagine fantasies.

vin,

preserve the fantasy, don't let your son know what's behind disney.

one lucky bastard!

2009-11-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

yes, without any accident.

i got my job, not a gigantic company but have good chance of exposure.

first interview then bull's eye.

making a fortune in few years?

possible if i trike 3 times toto in a row,

is okay, i've got my plan on.

the world is yours i always believed, but how much can you take? and how capable are you?

ask it before complaining... the huge is growing huger of course, the small will shrink like tiny anchovy.

stick back to the reverse pyramid rule, is so realistic.

never mind, one man can't hold a boulder, but group of men can build pyramids.

my tee business? not good obviously.

is my part of learning, also my part of playground.

as long as i give in my juice, things won't go wrong or fail.

catch up the peaceman.

my art, a start

2009-10-28T04:54:00.002+08:00

yes, is here

Yes, Is time to kick some real asses.

2009-10-26T20:16:00.000+08:00

thanks for dating with a fucked up man.

2009-10-19T01:01:00.001+08:00

now i'm out of cocoon, love me more.

2009-10-18T04:51:00.003+08:00

i gave up the penny for now, because i can no longer be my 'rockstar' in my age of 25,
not being rebellious, is being brave to build my real scented skies with small little pieces of my effort. more solid, more meaningful for me. courage i need, love i need too but only from you.

maybe you have to see your me with empty wallet and lot of discount vouchers,
painting my stupidity on worthless cloths,
now i'm out of the green house, no longer shaded fully.

if i'm a stickman uses the shining armor of my dad to protect myself, is really empty.
exploring my world and see more, adapt more, learn more... is fulfilling myself in a whole.

materialistic human, we all are,
but not so soon for me.

seeing myself building my life, my own life little by little,
perfecto.

tycoon not me, i don't have the greed and intelligence,
peaceman will always be my last name, down to the dirty earth, mud or soil.

vin peaceman, no regret for my stupidity.

metamorphosis - 16(End) - the usual me

2009-10-10T02:58:00.005+08:00

" who are you? the missing link? "
i replied and waited for 5 minutes but the phone didn't sound at all so i went to shower.
loosen the tightened slight rusted tap and let the water rinse off the sticky sweat and gloom of the day,
humming the song of Kurt again and again but in my mind kept thinking who was the one who text me.
how i wish is her, Chian. i got her name from Kit and please forgive for my gutless.
well, she has a boy friend which i'm too far to compete with, what can i do more? i really give up this time, shameful and awful me. never mind, live on.

i walk down to the kitchen and open the dining table, seeing the family is a complete to have dinner together, conversation and laughter, enjoying the good meals from my mom and Annie. how lovely, what do i want more for now?
we're happy,
we're healthy,
we're fortunate, the real fortune.

has been struggling for years to get something but when i'm tired, my family is the one will never give me up all time.
i'm weak and i know all the time.
my friends are the bonuses of my life, they coloured up my vision, share stories with me, some made me really envy, some i felt unfortunate for them. what can i do more? even though there's a day i disappeared suddenly, the bond of friendship is still in the heart i guess, or i should believe.

the text message, how i wish it was Chian, so i can start making common conversation.
i dreamed of her, but should stop already.
how i hope Hydie was Chian, then things would go totally perfect.
but who's life that really smooth as love drama?
i should look in my hand now, i'm fortunate to have my family and friends now.
should let go the unreachable now, i admit and it is.

i went back to my room and look at my phone again,
start clearing the texts because the memory is limited.
in the box of 'draft' there's two messages,
i look into them,
first,
"hi, i'm vin. the one who brought you to the classroom on the first day of your school. hope you still can recall.. =)"
i typed this almost a week right after i got Chian's number from Kit. but i never dare to send this,
it was still hope, so i didn't send it out. but now... "Message deleted"
the second message,
"who are you? the missing link?"
just realized that my phone is out of credit, what a joke... is alright, is no longer important who is it already.

"all messages are deleted"

okay, is time to sleep already.
i went back to the same spot i guess..

"alarm alerted"
my vision slowly recovered and look at the grey alarm clock,
6.45am, it showed.
"SHIT!" yes, i'm late again...
leaving the house without shower and hair styled, wearing the dirty white school shoes with half buttoned shirt.
"Boy! your breakfast!"
my mom shouted from the gate with a packed sandwich in her hand waving at me,
"thanks Mom!"
i quickly run back and grabbed it, my mom still that awesome and caring.

"1.60ringgit boy,"
i bought my train ticket and rush to the platform,
but i heard the train is departing already.
i'll be late to school as usual, start sitting on empty bench and plug in the headset of my cassette player,
someone tapped on my shoulder,
i look up,
the usual hard breathing face, Elaine.
"wow, had a long run huh?"
"bastard, can't you give me a morning call?"
"is okay, we'll see the others later in the auditorium as usual.:

start smiling and share half of my sandwich with her..
and she shared her pack of fresh milk with me too.

yes, the usual me.

- end - Metamorphosis, Life of Vin - Year2004 -

p/s : i must end it as i promised myself. Story based on my year 2004 (65%), i didn't end it simply, i ended it with metamorphosis, what comes around, goes around. Thank you for reading it, my first story.

safety gone empty

2009-10-03T00:06:00.005+08:00

maybe she thought that i've gone too far,

i admit of course or else you no longer special or important in my life.

what else can be happened in the next second in this country?

you gotta be as alert as possible of course and our country isn't rated as most dangerous place, yet.

average rape cases in Malaysia is 9 daily *reported only*

hell.... i'm just tiny man with no rifle or pistol,

with no strong ability or super power to blink right in front of you in eye blink time.

"if you're so worry, you should have waited me down stair already."

good one and applause of course.

what's the point of downloading the taiwanese dramas and let it inject the 'fantasy' in your mind,

is all fake though,

"我一定要幸福？"

let's jump to new zealand and plug some apples then.

i've no choice to throw my voice out right here,

no one will be impressed by my words though.

sickness, decease, disaster, aging, murder, sabotage and so on of the unwanted tragedy...

couldn't be escaped though.

hopefully you'll know why did i over react,

isn't because i'm controlling,

or you belong to me,

is just you're the first thing appear in my mind when i 'm awake daily.

vin,

quite unstable at the moment.

Yes i know, the over worried will not be appreciated, always.

2009-10-03T00:06:00.001+08:00

BKK + Family + Love = Paradise

2009-09-24T04:25:00.001+08:00

Dear Digital Cold Blooded World, you can't KILL me. My Heart and Soul are IMMORTAL.

2009-09-12T14:11:00.001+08:00

2009 -> Hope?

2009-09-08T11:19:00.004+08:00

economy crisis raised crimes,
fatal sickness ignites deaths,
lead to movement of depression.

everyone is living with fear, the negative buff energy.
where's the saint and hope, not so near of course if you kept sinking without paddling your feet.
living under the gloomy tunnel is hopeless in total,
but don't forget we're together going through this hard time,
is hard to convince ourselves to be an optimist,
hell is alright if we give a pad to each other,
hypocrite doesn't help you know,
give your true heart and light up one's path.

would be the best,
with blessed.

......

2009-09-08T05:16:00.002+08:00

blurping wasn't a solution always and i have my mind blank in total right now.

wondering more of my own self instead of my life.

jacked ass anyway.

guessing what's in her mind,

yet i wasn't her cells in her brain so who's gonna crack it out for me,

i hope the shower in a while later could help.

could help me,

at least a while.

clown fish vs big fish in a pond.

2009-09-05T00:09:00.003+08:00

well i'm graduated eventually yet just stepped in the company officially,

doing random chores and tasks,

i was kinda upset last month by giving up my non-human life and convert myself into a normal one,

but i've made up my mind,

the obama way, it's time to change!!

*not turning myself into a black but i don't mind too*

previously i was thinking i will be doing consistent chores daily and smell my soaked socks for hours after work,

i was wrong.

if the company is fallen, means my beach pub dream will be vanished too.

*how lovely is that if i owned a beautiful pub on the beach, living with my beautiful wife and two kids scribble my wooden house wall everyday, and a toilet trained german shepherd*

*maybe plant some weed behind the yard*

i know it wasn't realistic but something like that,

carefree and i can smash a kapok once a month.

i must turn this shit hole into a most happening arena where random merchants and beach boys and girls will visit me just for some special grocery shopping experience, not really like starbucks kind of stall but maybe a floating McDonalds in the middle of a water park which applied swim-thru instead of drive-thru.

could it be?

hell i promised here it will be,

because i have the outrage creativity and sometime it shocks myself too,

about business,

it's just some common sense plus i has been doing business (my own one) since the age of 10.

wahahahahhaa.. cunning and silky but lovely.

bullshitting doesn't get me there i know,

this is not like a magic wand can cast a spell instantly,

but more like reviving thomas edison and make him a bulb designer.

new age,

neo play,

start blasting already.

vin, peaceman of course.

stop dipping me in BBQ sauce, i don't like it.

2009-09-02T11:42:00.001+08:00

unfaithful bastards never learn happiness.

2009-09-01T19:09:00.002+08:00

love, still classic.

2009-08-21T03:24:00.003+08:00

i screwed up 3 things in a day and i can't feel my emotion, almost.

5pm i left almond kept on barking and my stomach digested 95% of the food,

i assumed my love has her class ended so i called again.

*phone barred*

4th thing happened.

i went back to the room and get my last savings and to the pantry for some biscuits,

is like someone giggles with sarcasm behind and paste a big paper written "PATHETIC" on my back, somehow i know but can't even take it off. a deadly hex for the moment, grey without ray.

i have my last door closed and ready to search for a sandals and drag off my heavy feet into the car,

is raining, is silent and doomed,

my heart started to cry,

how i wish my love is here right now.

i was driving without a stable strength to accelerate my car,

the wiper is making irritation rhythms to rust out my ear drums...

*a familiar song played out from my cell, my love called*

i'm meeting her tonight.

i had my stuffs done and i got to her,

my phone unbarred before 30seconds i meet her,

when she's near everything started to be fine,

things that bothering me vanished slowly pieces by pieces,

she didn't comfort me but already comforted me.

how classic,

i love her,

she's my light in the dark,

no problem now,

suddenly i feel lucky that i'm still breathing...

when a pebble is thrown, i wish someone yelled out loud!

2009-08-19T01:55:00.003+08:00

living in an urban society where types of expectations exist,

when you pay for 10 ringgit for a movie, you expect to see something unexpected am i right?

but not too much like... THE HULK 3 : Pink is the new green

that grosssssssss definitely, yet those 2 girls and 2 cups fanatics might love it the most.

giving surprise is to defeat one's situational expectation,

if he has a pair of high eagle sharp eyes,

don't intent to be fancy because it turns out not really to the line and also disappoint him and yourself,

i think present something that really show hard efforts and sweat work best on these beaked men.

what about those 'i thought' appears everyday in your life?

i thought that you are going to cut that cake so i ready you a plate yet you thought that i'm so idiotic that giving you a plate to wipe your cake smashed face instead of a white serviette?

this happened of course and it's your unfamiliarity towards the person or you lazy to find out so you predicted yourself, another type of expectation appeared.

and also...

wait....

what do you expect and write next and when do you expect i'm updating my blog again,

so expectations happened again.

good day, by the leathered shoes vin.

the wall is not huge, i choose to paint a door on it and imagine that i can go through anytime.

2009-08-01T06:36:00.001+08:00

is hidden and i know.

2009-07-25T03:40:00.001+08:00

metamorphosis - 15 - the missing link

2009-07-24T02:09:00.001+08:00

she gave me a rectangular black box with both of her hand and her smile is gorgeously beautiful and bright, my heart is shaken again.
"did you now you have dropped this out when you were dashing to the subway that day?"
"oh you're my life saver!!!"
i'm holding the black box and thanked god i don't need to suffer bread and water for a 30 days already.
"thanks a lot~ i owe you one really..."
"ah... not at all.. should be an expensive for your girlfriend. gotta go, see ya."
she waved her hand simply and walked away with her new freinds, few guys in the Kit's class and they are good students and athelics, my self esteem falls way behind on the moment.
i'm starring at her footsteps with small leaps cheering slowly disappear from my vision with the high rated 'men' in the school.
after leaves-drop-duration of stare blank and stunned stand, i resume my consious and go to the washroom to have a face wash.
clorined tap water runs through my rough face and wet my fringe, i look into the mirror is like a homeless helpless pathetic dick looking at me pointlessly.
"well Vin, she's someone you'll never reach to. Your text messages are not worth a glance for her, bury yourself or your cellphone."
i said this to myself and start searching for comfort, which is my usual gang of friends.
almost forgot Annie's gift again that i left in the cubical, my eyes are filled with fogs of depression.
after a long drag of walking to the usual meet up point, there's only one guy waiting me, Robin.
"oh my god, what's with the face of bankrupt?"
said Robin.
"i think my organs are stolen last night, i should have locked my room door last night."
i made a lame joke to cover my sour face yet it doesn't work.
"it's not funny and they all are not free today, where do you wanna go Mr.Sad Bottle?"
"huh? what sad bottle?"
i got confused.
"eventually your body is skinny but not short, size of a bottle i think but is an empty one, describe you best now."
Robin defined.
"oh Robin, that's the sweetest name ever you named me, but i'm really sad."
replied disappointedly.
"Okay okay, beef ball noodle! my treat! stop showing that funeral march face bastard."
he placed his hands on my weakling shoulder and i'm feeling better now.
"thanks man, you know me best... i can treat you 2 cups of ice tea."
"cheapskate!"

after 2 hours of meal and sharing of my unfortuness, it's time to go home already.
"Bye bro, see you tomorrow man!"
i'm happier now because at least someone willing to listen a dumb guy story.
"yeah~ see you."
he walked off with the texting thumbs with his candy girl, how lovely but why not me.
i got my train ticket after a long queue due to off work hours and hardly squeezed through the crowd and start waiting in the platform,
the crowd is heavy as human are placed in between of inch, but i hear no humanity but the headset from my purplish blue casette player,
instead of choosing a MP3 player, a MD player or a Discman, because casette plays the most solid melody among all.
listening to my favorite casette of Kurt Seiger, the local singer with his face masked on the casette box,
his first album - Unveil me? , The song of Missing Link makes me wanna listen to it over and over again when my emotion is heavy.
part of the lyric "The digital world never link you and me, cause i'm too solid to touch the glittering fairy in white dress. What a missing link."
i will feel better than before for each time i rewining this track and sing along like i'm on my own island with a not so shady coconut-less tree.
well... i got home and walk to Annie's room and left her gift with a note pasted "Lost and found, please prepare me breakfast =)"
i got my shower and start lying on my bed with my undried hair and my just tower wrapped around bottom.
*my cellphone vibrates*
just realise i haven't unmute it and it's a text message from an unknown number,
"Missing link haha..."
what the....

-to be continued-

I love you darling, because you stole my logic on my first sight of you.

2009-07-24T02:04:00.001+08:00

Creative Businessman : Please don't rob my beef before you steal my cheese.

2009-07-15T03:01:00.000+08:00

when you stuck, you unstuck

2009-07-13T14:12:00.004+08:00

what's productivity?

we do know but we ignore all the time and just because we think that resting is for further future journey.

compressing the classes and assignments aren't no big deal actually because everyone is doing it.

but i took that as an excuse that i'm tired and busy to move on and i nearly blame my dog as well.

how shit i am and i know and i admitted.

i'm not so responsive to rewards or good result,

so far i'm quite satisfy my life currently but maybe not tomorrow or next hour.

maybe i will get rob and all my sweat and blood cash gone in a second,

somehow i'm still having my backbone lying on the well designed chair to allow customers to sit longer in the cafe and buy more worthless drink,

so i don't really care right now but i know it's time to unstuck already.

too lazy i can say,

sleeping like nobody business is my best talent currently but it's not productive at all.

a quote from simpson the movie,

"young boy, nobody loves to wear clothes on the street but is the law."

yes i fully understand what does it mean,

the country has some stupid laws to obey and we need to, or else fingers will point at you and yell at you, " YOU WEIRD FUCK CHERRY PIE WITH MUSTARD TOPPING!"

perhaps something like this,

the rules i need to obey is just simple,

wake up early, get your assignments done with good effort, stop playing truant, get to work when i'm really free, style my hair if isn't too lazy.

one word is short, discipline.

it's hard at first for a guy like me,

"Vin, wanna grab a drink tonight?"

"Oh~! I'm in the pub and having the 2nd bucket already."

usually i answered that.

now i learn to reject,

"sorry bro, i need to get my works done by tonight/ oh man, i'm still in the office, less computer games my friend, is not so healthy for your black fingers"

when responsible are on your shoulder,

eventually you walk slower due to the weight,

but the slackly me hardly devoted my soul fully because i'm on the line of Smashing Pumpkin Green and 9 to 5 Leather Shoes (song i planned to write later).

even now when i'm out, my body only but my soul is still kinda sugar rushing like doing the ballet spins continuously for hours until people go home.

i just need to see some faces and talk a while, but i can't give my best response like the extremist Vin Lim usually does.

design has no rules,

but reality is filled with laws,

if i intent to break,

people will ask me not to,

if i really broke it,

i will be standing behind the cage,

but i can't be like Micheal in Prison Break,

i don't have good tattoo to let me escape from the black and white striped jail.

Vin Peaceman left Vin Lim a note,

"Kurt Seiger is still around, call him if you need a tea,

stop fooling around and act like a worthless free formed artist,

wear the suit and slacks already, and remember to buy a proper coat other than your 100bucks blazer gentleman."

okay, let's see what happens next.

even myself don't know,

maybe i turned the anchovies into H1N1 antidote.

cheers,

the stuck unstuck vin

in the days searching for aurora, i tremble

2009-07-02T20:19:00.001+08:00

there's always...

2009-06-29T03:23:00.003+08:00

my dear friends and buddies,

please don't get yourself hurt and miserable in life again,

you'll always say nobody understands you other than yourself,

of course my dear,

you know what you want the most.

there's always stories in a group of friends,

comedy and tragedy runs consistently in every period of time,

we laugh and tear about them but we move on,

because...

when you think you have lost something right now,

but there's always something you gonna obtain soon without your aware,

when you think you're going to fall for this self set trap,

but there's always someone will be at your back and make sure you don't fall,

when you think you need anyone to tell you what to do,

but there's always one good listener waiting for you and share,

when you think your world is about to end,

but there's always a new world awaits you to unwrap.

don't let yourself down,

the reality reflects how cruel and dark the world is,

but it's not an end,

because your existence is to beautify the world,

fantasise your world.

that's why soft toys are invented for little girls,

they need something comfortable to hug but not just a pillow,

but a soft toy with eyes and smile that give you company,

you can talk and share stories with them,

it comforts you from soul to body as well.

因为你，我的钢琴重新存在了=)

2009-06-29T02:23:00.001+08:00

迟到安慰

2009-06-26T06:54:00.004+08:00

*你拨打的电话，暂时无人收听...*

这漫长也冷夜已迎接着日出，

我却责怪着自己给你的无助，

对不起已不是该说的字眼了，

吉他已弹不出琴声的优雅了。

你需要我的声音我才知道，

那累坏的你已经入睡梦里，

可恨我还给你那笑脸短讯，

安慰陪伴你渴望而我知道。

你讨厌的安静，

击败我的距离，

我该如何面对，

对白该是什么，

迷失得很糟糕，

香烟也燃不了，

语言帮不到的，

拥抱该还可以。

请别把泪掉，

我怕缓慢的我来不及，

求你别心碎，

我双五指有逢盖不了，

请对我坦白，

我很笨不会猜得很透，

躺在我胸口，

虽然不刚强也不温柔。

我却不陌生，

让我拥抱你，

听听我心跳，

为你在蹦跳，

把手交给我，

让我带你跑，

虽然我迟到，

温暖却送到。

can't continue the story, it's real now.

2009-06-26T06:24:00.001+08:00

strawberry swing

2009-06-21T07:32:00.001+08:00

you're the first one who accompanied with me @ 12.02am, 15.06.09

my 21st birthday.

even though is just a short moment,

because of your appearance in that 30minutes,

you made it unique,

memorable,

crafted in my life and irreplaceable.

both of us in my car,

holding a piece of small cheese cake and lighted with a candle,

the light of it shines your pretty face with most adorable expression,

made my tears hold in my eyes and thank god has sent an angel to me,

looking the one i desired in life dressing in pink and white stripes singlets,

your blushers on you fair skin went more pinkish after you sang me the first song ever,

i hug you really tight as if you're going to vanish in the next second,

everything can be given up but not your kiss,

i grabbed both of your tender baby like hands and placed them on my face,

the sense of complete i feel,

you complete me,

i'm so sure,

please let me hold you and walk into my world,

it's the gladdest thing to show you to the bright clear vivid sky and the lively heart pumping earth.

this surreal is so real,

is everything now,

is just like the strawberry swing,

now the sky could be blue,

i don't mind,

without you just a waste of time.

a song from coldplay,

one of my favorite song,

it will be played whenever you are in my vision,

so relaxing and comfortable,

i feel safe and perfect when you're around,

is too lucky to have you,

i love you.

it's special, it's appreciated and most memorable always.

2009-06-15T01:44:00.000+08:00

colors of the night.

2009-06-14T05:27:00.003+08:00

stereo blasting solidly and filled up the whole atmosphere with herds of rated as party animal human being are bouncing on the tiles with cigarette butts and poured mixed liquor.

vivid beams are spinning all over the huge big box and created illusions for the smartest mammals on earth, let them be in their so called happening and joy.

of course there's also flesh poles like me rotating in the crowd and try to taste some thrill or steal some lime light, in the end i still walked out from the club and say the same thing again to myself.

"the red try to move in a herd, but the yellow can't catch up somehow yet the orange will come to give him or her a pad and get him or her back into the movement."

red symbolized the people that really into the fun,

yellow is those who thinks here isn't his or her place,

orange always the neutralizer to link everyone up.

is not just three kinds of people but even more, almost uncountable like the color wheel.

the primaries mixed so there's secondary, so the secondaries merged to be the third prototype, yet the primary still allowed to join the second or third or even further developed types.

this make we all are unique from each others i guess so.

i can't really find a good place to talk with my friends and ask how are you lately, the herd joined the crowd and the crowd joined the bunch yet we are so split up and don't really know what's the purpose of the night already but still this is a good place to fit everyone in so the stereo helped to neutralized everyone by playing general songs.

the most balance and neutral thing always is the key to compromise everyone,

this make good business i see.

observing everyone is fun,

analyzing their acts and predict their next move is trying to be smart,

everything is so hard to reach tonight,

my words to my friends,

my hugs to my buddies,

my jokes to the boredom,

my love to my love,

the greedy me want it all,

i should have open up a 'HOOTERS' and might make good business,

at least we can talk and tease in the party going on,

at least i notice you're dress in light blue but not white or grey,

at least next morning i didn't need to get shock that actually one of my friend is there but i never realised the whole night,

at least our conversation isn't "HEY~ DRINK~ BYE~"

i wish things are always under control yet this thought is naive.

somehow is incomplete without you.

2009-06-14T05:20:00.001+08:00

Kurt Seiger, where have you been?

2009-06-08T05:44:00.003+08:00

i called him for several times and texted him more than ten, no response is what i've got now.

great middle of the night and i've done nothing just keep on browsing through the web, what about my assignments and college works? i wanted to give up at this moment and my passion is losing and loosing as well. my lazy doesn't want me to work and turn on the word and design applications. i just wanna hold back myself and roll over the bed for several times and just having my brain stay as blank as it can. i don't wanna ask why because i'm sort of enjoying this slackly me right now.

right bottom of the screen is showing the hours i have left before i leave house with black knight again to the most pointless class ever, and i just realised i haven't pay my bloody school fees yet i don't feel like paying for this pointless class looking at this pointless man coo-cooing infront of me like a pigeon with shits on his oil gelled hair. i wonder why my academy hired this con man to have this free lunch by throwing shit to us, i pity my classmate and i.

kurt seiger left me at this moment and i know why, "Vin, making peace doesn't change the world you want. Kill that moustache fuck then i'll be back." a note he left in one of my design folder. can coldplay do something? never mind. just for tonight i still can slack my ass and enjoy my korean cigarette puff by puff. i know i can't roll too long on the bed because i can't let my love starve and i need to bring her to see the 7 wonders and build one.

*puffing ESSE and listening to life of technicolor ii*

a feeling of driving a large truck and long dragged windowed container in shiny black, drive all the way to north and to the north and to the northest. have all the chilled bottled beers and rocky music instruments all well plugged in the huge metal room and blast it out all along the journey with my buddies. running away ruggedly from this blooded smokey realistic city for a while, acoustic guitar should be play after i carry my love on my back walked through the salty white beach, new music all i need but i don't have time to expore, bloody hell i look into my wallet now and i can't even afford to buy a new amplifier and get Han's guitar to retune and service. i have 10 tall glasses that i need to fill but none of them are full filled and some are empty dry bastards! well, as kurt said there's no point to stay in peace mode and it won't get my glasses filled.

i'm a lucky bastard by slacking my ass but my good friend leonard always be the one who remind me about what i need to do later, he's great and i always owe him a thank you. i'm too depending on him and he's too good and helpful. i need to walk by myself already and lighten him a bit now. dear leonard, thank you and sorry for the troubles i caused for you this 2 years. this is the last semester and we're going to graduate already. i start to give up some academy works and activities because in the end i will be helping by dad already but i can't drag your footstep so see a different me after the sunrise.

passion, i've lost? no, actually it has been switched to the other thing. more of an overall but not so specific category. i can't adapt yet for the first month and now i need to adapt already, not adapt but should be already moving fast in it.

let the fire spins all out from the dull cornea of mine and hit a great impact and poof from this warm house. it's no more boy scouts building fragile tents but uzi of moustached people. 8weeks of making the ray blasts, then i can have my coconut drink and lying on the chilling beers on the tax free land.

tasks, ticking it already.

welcome to the over emotional generation, since 1988

by looking back, I've a clearer move of next.

2009-06-05T04:43:00.000+08:00

involving

2009-05-28T03:39:00.003+08:00

what i have involved in?

i can't write it all at once,

the recent one like,

community of my graduation campaign,

make crazy jokes toward my mom,

try to piss my dad off,

delayed works for annie and i'll get screw very soon,

business,

freelance but pending and pending,

lily allen and eason's songs,

music and lyrics,

good artistic movie,

beautiful brunch with my love,

tea time with different friends,

assignments and researches,

planning a trip,

brain storming ideas and ideas,

almond's skin problem,

smoke right in front of my dad,

and so on...

they don't happen like a routine but is happening right now,

some i do it daily,

some i do it weekly,

some i do it monthly,

some i do it seasonally,

some i do it annually,

some i do it once in my life.

my dad said that i should invest on one good category,

but i said multi-task is also one good category,

making him speechless is fun because my idol couldn't say anything but just agree silently,

i hope he believes me that i can handle my life well in future.

why i'm involving myself in so many things without planning which come first,

i know this attitude will kill my future one day,

but i feel like being like this before i'm fully step into the society,

i'm just involving in life.

like now everyone is doing their assignment but i'm here writing my thought of the night again,

and my works are 1% started only,

splendid and applause for myself,

life of technicolor, coldplay is with me this slumberless night,

energizing music,

i'm involving in something again.

metamorphosis - 14 - 60minutes of 10losts

2009-05-23T03:43:00.005+08:00

"hi.. why are you here?"
i asked her instead of answering because she's beautiful and fine today.
my world goes blank but only this girl with a white hoodie, unwashed denim shorts and high cut Converse Chuck Taylor in navy blue, her long black hairs all tied up made a long silky smooth pony tail.
i totally forgot about Annie and stood there talking with her.
"i just had my piano class and now i'm waiting my parents to have dinner in the mall."
my dream girl actually plays my favorite music instrument, piano.
"oh.. that's good! i love piano but i can't play and i don't have one."
"really? i didn't really like it and actually i'm forced to learn by my parents, they complain that i'm just too free in the weekend."
"oh okay, but i think piano suits you best, is just like you, fine and beautiful."
i don't know what's wrong with my mind and i said this out.
"eh... okay, i thought that you're in a hurry?"
she replied uncomfortably and i know i've said shit wrong, just realised about the waiting Annie.
"Oh no! my sister is waiting! Bye!"
i run myself full speed to the subway and had my ticket bought without taking the change,
dashing through the casual crowd and squeezing staircase and i see the railway but the train took off,
unfortunately i'm late and Annie isn't in my vision after i glance through the platform and benches,
i looked into the taking off train and Annie got squeezed to the window and looking at me with the most hateful face that tell me i'm dead tonight slowly the train and Annie vanished off in the tunnel,
it's time to calm down my breathing and mood of going to be hung in hour later, i sat down on the bench and start waiting for the next train,
i looked into the shopping bags of Annie and i found one of brown J4U shopping bag is empty,
cold sweats are all on my face and my weak legs start shivering,
J4U is a gift shop sells expensive photo frames and decorates and i try to recall did i drop it or she just love to hope an empty bag to shop around,
hell no way and my memory projected a scene of this morning she told me she wanted to buy a gift for her best friend,
now i'm a deadest dead meat of the century.

i made several losses in a day, no, should be in an hour,
first lost is i didn't get to hang out longer with Hydie,
second i forgot to get my love name,
third i embarrassed myself in front of her,
forth i really made Annie's temper blows and she'll be angry for weeks,
fifth my dearest dad and mom will give me the hardest rock song and it jams for hours,
sixth is time because the train took off faster than my long run,
seventh i'll have no breakfast for months as well because Annie is the morning cook,
eighth all of my savings will gone because i see the price in the receipt left in the shopping bag is near to all my piggy bank,
ninth i can't get my favorite Nike Dunk Skateboarding because it replaced by Annie's gift,
tenth i realised i'm the most idiotic fellow on earth.

i look at the railway and visualize that if i jump down to end my life right now isn't it better because my death still under my control,
but i'll just get electrify or maybe broke several bone and get caught by the guards and send to the court for my stupidity move,
in conclusion i just don't have guts, or balls are frozen in the north pole's igloo already,
so i went home and my good prediction are all happened till 5th and i feel very guilty that i made Annie cry,
extra punishments that i need to do the laundry and dishes for tonight and penalty of confiscating my personal computer for a week,
Desmond just teased me and said,
"you're so stupid that let all the females from the house to the city fooled you, pathetic boy."
laughter and off to his room,
gloomy sunday is the best song i should listen now but i don't really understand the lyrics so i didn't end my life that night,
after apologizes and house hold chores are all done,
i wanted to call Elaine to listen my tragedies but my dearest clumsy phone is out of credit,
"thank you lord for doing give and take, but please do it in rhythm but not the long drag for take, i can't hold it because i'm under weight my dear lord."
pointlessly talking to my ceiling and looking at the hypnotising spinning fan on by bed,
so i'm snoring already without shower, disgusting but it's nice to just sleep in this pathetic form after my pathetic day.

*national anthem plays*
i'm late again and proudly got 'chosen' be the flag man for the rising but with "LATE IS MY LAST NAME" huge written card board hung around my neck,
embarrassment of the year and is proposed by my art teacher, Ms. Pauline, we named her Ms.Picaso because we think her face is sort of deformed like Picaso's drawing.
i don't mind because i believe i do better in art in my future than her and my emotion has gone numb already after the impacts i had yesterday.
the monday blue dance around me whole day long,
even my favorite fried rice with golden fried drumstick are all sold out in the canteen,
is alright and i won't die so easily before i get back my balls from the igloo in north pole and make Zeus a star in Hollywood,
my lunch is just red bean buns and my own brought water for start saving again for my limited edition sneakers.
*bell rings*
the blue monday in school ended finally and i'm heading to the locker room now,
start squeezing the heavy books without really looking into my locker and slam the door and leaving,
"hey sadman, follow me."
her voice from my back and i feel the familiar shoulder tapping,
i turned back and is my angel again,
the god is ready to give again after a long take?

-to be continued-

vinphilo.o9 - Chapter 8 - Cloud

2009-05-13T03:18:00.004+08:00

what you see and what you got?

cloud is free form,
we capture what we want to receive,
if you act like a cloud,
your audiences nod and acclaim,
everybody loves you,
you world doesn't happen rifle or gun powder,
the cavalry rests in silence,
the weapon merchant is unhappy,
red eyes rush his fog to the clear sky,
god feels bad for him,
unstoppable black cloud arrives,
thunder storms and angry rain falls,
flood rushes to everyone,
injuries,lost and deaths are made,
the survivors are out of shelters and food,
steals, violence, killings happen for live on,
until the sun rise,
the white cloud is back to shade the hungry again.

i don't want to be the cloud,
helpful yet helpless,
i don't want to be the merchant,
envy and depress,
i don't want to be the god,
be blamed all the time,
i don't want to be the black cloud,
prison awaits,
i don't want to be the survivor,
but is the real world,
i just want to be a victim,
kneel down and face the sky,
holding my bitten sweet potato and pray,
the dark has come but please not too long,
we know the routine,
balance of life.

我还可以

2009-05-07T02:32:00.003+08:00

词:威尔和男

曲:威尔和男(进行中)

想起五年前，

我们还真绿，

规律的生活，

应你而不定。

食堂第五桌，

远离观赏你，

第二桌的你，

长发的背影。

我无助，

没信心，

看见你，

给你无聊的话题。

逗你笑，

还可以，

牵你手，

我想我还可以。

写的情信都还没到你的手，

你却匆忙地说你要走，

我努力赶上，

狼狈地奔跑，

你冷漠背影也消失掉。

心底的爱言我钢琴还没奏,

抖着的手指都还没下手，

你手机不通，

旧讯息剩下，

我麻醉我自己说,

我还可以~

这一次，

我感谢，

了上帝，

成长后遇见你。

逗你笑，

还可以，

请你的手，

不要再向我挥手。

请别让我的心再一次伤透，

你不可能这样轻易就走，

就把你抱紧，

不怕你报警，

我对你的都让你完全感受。

可能你还是说你会想要走，

至少我已经对你弹奏，

如果要挥手，

请记得我的手，

五年后再重逢的话,

我还可以。

vinphilo.o9 - Chapter 7 - Beer mates

2009-05-05T02:52:00.005+08:00

the hazy city still deserves a good sunset and we had it.

it's been a long time i didn't have beer with my usual beer mates,

tonight just the three person of us which is Daniel, Leonard and I.

first of all we know that in the progress of life there's no a permanent companion or mate,

even your dearest love and your closest parents might leave you one day,

what about beer mates?

they are even more fragile to hold it through seasons and we know it long ago.

is kinda disappointing but it helps reminding me to move on life and i take it fully as usual,

at least we had lot of fun in old times and we really did enjoy it to the max,

they saw me puke to fill up a whole bucket which is gross and hilarious,

they got shock by my after alcohol emotional flood all my tears and pain in heart,

they are still my good friends till today.

is just time activities, timing, convenient and tasks going on made us not so flexible and lazy,

understandable and relevant all the time.

one is chasing his boldest dream in life,

one is relaxing and slow down after his rough run,

one is struggling from love and future,

and i'm sitting here flowing through the love river.

i always believe the people who sat down with me for beer several times and not just pure bragging but sharing life experiences and goals of their lives,

they'll definitely excel in life,

making the greatest show or legend in the century,

i'm sure and confidence on them totally with no doubt.

who cares about the past and we're already in the present and receiving the future,

there's a saying of if there's no past so there's no the present you,

is true and greatly supported without a small leak for debate,

that's why i'm here to refine life everyday and beautifully my own world but not the whole yet.

i met my long lost friend, KianFai months ago,

he told me a philosophy of beer and liquor,

i love it and buy it and what he said is,

"Liquor is like tidal wave, before the strike happens it will be a cooling and silent moment,

Beer is like you surf on the wave, is manageable and under control if you're skilled enough."

that's why i always choose beer over Chivas, Martel, Dewars and so on.

it's really enjoy when you see the golden chilling beer is poured full in the mug or pint,

seeing the cloud foam and floating and awaits your thirst to break through it and taste the gold,

the chilled beer flows through your dried throat and neutralize your body temperature merge with the hot or freezing weather out there.

my best experience was i had my chilled green bottles with red star label on it,

rolling on the hot sunny beach and open them one by one,

tasting them sip by sip and lying myself on the warm white beach with favorite songs playing,

on the tax free land and drinking the cheapest beer on earth with vision of beautify scenery such as parallel coconut trees dancing on the white sandy beach with beautiful blonds running on the beach with their best fit bikinis,

life i called and claimed,

just like scene in the movie.

it's perfect when your love one lying right beside you and reading a fiction book with big sunglasses and admiring your pathetic topless body with a green bottle, Splendid.

cherish every moment,

i had fun drinking beer with them,

i still hope it'll be more and more in the future,

it might be a pause or an end,

i don't care,

i enjoyed it,

hope you do so,

cheers,

without beer on my hand.

metamorphosis - 13 - colourful candy?

2009-05-03T03:54:00.007+08:00

"oh hi... how are bra.... NO NO NO!... i mean how are you..."
i just got so nervous and confuse,
"hahaha... i'm great and thanks for taking care of me whole night long, my friends are so bad and made me drunk, but didn't help me out just pure observing what happened on you and me in the club last night, they are so mean!!"
"what.... your friends... saw it all...?"
so i was fully observed my the audiences last night in vivid,
"anyway, i'm Hydie."
she introduced herself and her right hand on her chest and made a soft bow with slight lifting her polka dot casual dress and smile.
"Hi... i'm Vin..."
she's cute and i got impressed with her adorable move.
"you look exactly like Desmond! almost cloned!"
"yeah.. everyone said the same thing."
"but you're sweet unlike your heartless brother forgot my sister and I totally after our 'falls' for him."
"huh? so.... you and Lynna dated him?"
"yes so yesterday night i made wrong revenge on his brother, the poor guy you instead of desmond! hahahaha...."
"oh..... kay...."
thankyou my dearest brother again.
someone pulled my ear from the back and it's Annie,
"hold the shopping bags, and gotta go home for dinner already!"
then she realised actually i'm having a conversation with Hydie.
"oh, i can do shopping myself, why don't you both have a drink and i catch you up later."
the smart acted Annie thought that she's smart to give me chance to get plant planted and walked out from the shop already.
"oh, that's your younger sister? she's sweet!"
said Hydie.
"she's my elder sister and she's in college already."
she always looked like my younger sister and i don't know why, i swear myself don't look old or matured.
"so do you wanna accompany me to shop some secrets here?"
"are you sure....?"
we don't really know each other but she wants me to choose the lingerie with her, hilarious isn't it?
"don't be shy! is just like buying colourful candy!"
she just held my hand and start browsing her inner stuffs which i kinda interested to know yet pretend to look around and stop having false imaginations.
she picked few inner top and asked me how is it? sexy? tempting?
blushes all over my face and i know i need to go to hide my embarrassment,
"i need to go to toilet, wait you out there, sorry!"
i walked out from the shop steadily yet my heart still pumping like it isn't mine till i got to the toilet and had my face washed to calm myself down.
"what a 'hot' sunday..."
i look at myself in the mirror with wet red face and calmed myself after minutes standing in the toilet like a pervert holding my sister's shopping bags with "Love's Secret" printed on, famous lingerie shop in town.
my heartbeat resumed to normal so i went back and sat on the bench in front of the shop where Hydie is about to done her 'colourful candy'
she got her stuffs purchase and walked to me,
"you're really shy huh? tomato face!"
"no... i was just rushing to toilet and my stomach is upset, i think i had uncleaned food this morning."
giving worst excuse to brighten my face a little in front of this sweet girl with daring teasing.
"whatever... let's go."
she doesn't care what i said and just pull my hand so my ass is off bench now and my footsteps are not under my control with her hand leading them,
so she's aggressive,wild,teasing,naughty,over-friendly or in her very own way or all of what i mentioned?
*phone vibrates*
"hey! lovebird! we gotta go home, wait you at subway already!"
Annie called me with chuckling.
"Hydie, i have to go already."
"really? so soon? i didn't really get to know you yet..."
she said with slight disappointment and look into my eyes with her adorable expression.
"oh... i really need to go..."
my heart got softened but i really need to go or else Annie will make up stories in front of mom.
"well... can i have your cellphone number? we can have a drink or movie someday right?"
"oh yeah sure! my number is 012-*** ****"
i gave her without hesitation and i'm wondering is it because i'm weak on refusing cute girls or i'm interested on her.
"i'll call you. bye sweetie."
she lifted herself up a little with her pair of black hills and peck on my face and walk away like nothing happen and fade herself off from my vision into the boutiques,
i'm just standing there staring blank and my phone rings again and i'm awake from stunning.
my pair of slim legs start dashing myself to the subway and swinging the lingerie shopping bags high now and i know Annie is impatient and gonna screw me hard this time,
running and sweating now and i see the entrance to the subway,
i just dashed through a familiar human presence so i gripped my sneakers and look back,
"why are you in a hurry!?"
the one with most tender voice with best smile in my life, is her... my dream girl...

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 12 - Hydie

2009-04-26T05:13:00.005+08:00

splash of warm thick slimy liquid smells worse than rotten fish over my face ,
she puked all over from my head to toe and i'm stunned and blank,
my night fantasy has just poofed in just a second and i don't know what to react now,
she looked at me with her messed up hair and chin dripping her puke with a forgivable face yet she smiled wickedly,
*collapse*
she fell on the floor right after she made this great show,
i had no choice and take the pipe the cubical and start washing the puke all over me from head to toe and i had my top off and i'm whole wet right now,
i had myself a total clean now but the smells still attached on my body or maybe on her or the cubical,
i sat on the toilet bowl and start looking at this wasted girl with an imagination of stomping her with full strength with hex curses,
the kindness in my heart held me to do it so i just simply wash the wastes or her hair and wipe her face with the toilet paper and walk off from the cubical,
the cleaner and girls in the washroom are looking at me with weird faces and whisperings,
"what the fuck have they done in the cubical, a rush and just leaving the wasted or drunk raped girl there?"
conversations like this i think,
now i've no choice to carry this smelliest girl on earth on my back and start dragging her out like how i drag the big bag of rice in my father's shop,
thank you desmond and i hate you, really hate you,
is alright and no one will remember me because i promise myself not to come back VIVIDICIOUS again,
this wasted girl got me dragged off the club already and now is bright with the road lamps and look at her,
her pathetic drunk face with puked food stuck all over her hair and sides of mouth,
i took off my wet shirt and start cleaning them up pieces by pieces, her wet curly fringe, club make up face, puke over her neck and everything,
i'm frustrated and throw my shirt into the green public rubbish bin and placed her on a stone bench right infront of the club,
people start looking at me with shit expression again and i know why,
a skinny topless boy has done something to this drunk girl,
i'm exhausted and waiting for desmond to come out so i sat next to her,
arms over the bench with the most impatient expression i ever showed in life,
*heavy object fell on my crossed legs*
she fell on my laps and facing my stomach and start mumbling,
i look at her clearly this time,
she has beautiful pinkish lips and extended eyelashes,
her skin is smooth and juicy red and is not the make up made it,
i find that she's cute actually if she's sleeping like this but not the drunkard i met just now,
*heavy hit on my looking down head*
"bastard! got a girl so fast and you're naked here, showing off the skeleton figure is it? i was searching all over in the club for you punk!"
it's desmond and his friends laughing at me on his back,
"NO!! i wass....."
"shut up! get home already! who's she?"
he looked at her and stunned for a second like he knows this drunk girl,
"vin, let's go! leave her alone only, we have to get home before the sun rise."
"but... she'll be fine alone here?"
"non of your damn business... just pull."
i held her head softly and my ass off the bench slowly and placed her on the bench and hope she'll be fine and safe,
i took Jun's cardigan and cover her sleeveless shoulder to her pair of cuddling small arms,
she'll catch cold under her wet clothes in this windy late night,
we walked off and head to desmond car drove to the entrance by the valet,
and we got into the car and leaving the city already.

we're in the car now and desmond is driving slow and quiet without stereo on,
"do u know that girl?"
i asked her with my suspect from his shocked reaction just now.
a long breath he took,
"she's Lynna's sister, Hydie."
"Lynna? your ex girlfriend?"
"yes..... "
"you know her so you're not going to help her? Did you know she pulled me into the toilet cubical and puked all over my body so i'm topless now dick!"
"she'll be fine... no worries, she has friends and the bouncers will take care of her."
i stopped asking him and i know he has something to hide and not going to tell me full already,
we got home and i just walked down from the car with his car door slammed heavily,
had a hot long shower and i'm really sober now and really tired after all these 'excitements',
i fall myself on my bed with my face on pillow and in my slumber land already.

family sunday,
i woke up early as usual to have breakfast with the parents and annie on a wooden table infront of dad's shop,
"boy, are you free later?"
asked annie,
"i've no programs on sunday and why?"
"hit the town with me, i need to buy some stuffs."
annie can't go anywhere alone with her timidness and afraid to bang into her admirers,
she's my elder sister but when we're out i'm like her boyfriend and gave him my arm to hold,
after we got off from the train and we're in Wally Square,
she forced me to get into the lingerie shop with her with my embarrassed unwillingness,
seeing the women's secret all over and i'm the only male in this shop,
i hate it always and i think the people in the shop thinks that i'm a homo,
someone tapped on my shoulder on my back,
i turned back with my irritated face,
"hey! desmond brother!"
the drunk girl, Hydie,
yes, is her... i can remember the curly fringe and the juicy lips...

-to be continued-

牵着倩着仟

2009-04-25T20:15:00.005+08:00

从前的倩刻在我心，
如今的仟在我手心，
年幼时你是我的梦，
今天可与你伴微风，
与你逛街我已知足，
牵着你像失去双足，
旧时远离观你背影，
今时还可把你抱紧，
你仿佛我的甜甜圈，
遗忘解忧愁的烟圈。

surfing in my house

2009-04-23T05:24:00.005+08:00

since last year July,
i've no Internet access in my own house,
tonight this is the first time ever i'm posting in my house,
finally.

first i got you,
second honour for my masterpiece,
third the gate allows me to talk to the world reopened.

life just so alive, vivid and hopeful,
faith remains hope stays,
a plug pull is you vanish it yourself,
so life goes vice versa.

i told you,
i'm no fear to disappointments but afraid of hopeless.

我不怕失望，
只怕没希望。

i'm lucky to have you,
hope you feel the same way too.

metamorphosis - 11 - red cobra

2009-04-22T14:45:00.004+08:00

desmond's car reached at the first place with slight scratches on corners under the headlights,
he walks out from the car with silence,
opened up the red cigarette box from the left pocket of stripes shirt,
and tuck it in on semi smiled lips,
light up with a classic metal lighter and it chimes a clear victory,
he puffs it a whole inhale and made a smoke ring on the air,
jun and seng walk towards him and gave a pad on his shoulder,
"as usual, you made it again!"
said jun with his thumbs up,
"as usual, party after this..."
he walks to mr.big, the in charged of the street race,
"It's the undefeated RED COBRA again!!!"
tuck the whole container into desmond's chest,
audiences cheer for his victory with full wills,
"ten thousand bucks in 5minutes, easy money fellows!"
now i know where he got the cash to power up his pet, the red cobra,
fine dinners and huge bouquets for his turn-taking girlfriends,
branded shirts,jeans and casual leather shoes,
this business makes him never see the sunday's sun rise instead it vanishes from the horizon.

10,000 bucks in 300 seconds falls into desmond pocket easily,
i wonder what's his judgement towards money compared to his soulless show up for dad's salted business,
compared to the outrunning job was taken by him in a while,
undefeated, i can see in his cowboy eyes,
the first time i see vivid coloured aura spreading out from him,
desmond actually has his part of excel in his life,
i just noticed as a 16years of sibling and ironic i can say.

party they said and desmond walk to me and drag out few big notes from the stacks and waving them on my face,
"get yourself some soft toys for the school girls."
"you bastard, red cobra in the night but pink worthless earthworm under the sun huh?"
i replied with sarcasm but still grab them all and put inside my velcro brown wallet,
"let's go clubbing?"
"i'm under age my man, come on..."
"just say yes until the no comes,idiot."
i'm just trying to change his mind and send me home yet fail to and hitting the club already,
age limitation? my ass for the real world money covers all wrong in this grayish society,
i always know yet not seeing it and we've reached the most high lighted club in the city,
we got down from red and desmond throws the car key and it spins to the jockey's nice catch,
arm over me and start talking to the girls on the entrance,
he's busy talking there and i look up of this perfectly built and designed club,
VIVIDICIOUS signage made with heavy reflective stainless steel,
the hottest place in town i've always heard and now i'm here to taste the real leather.

desmond as a most welcomed customer here i can see,
no checking of identify cards and straight to the big coaches the VIP zone i think,
it is private and placed a distance from the crowded dance floor and random tall tables,
his friends, those i didn't see before i step into the night start checking up on me,
"so this is desmond's little brother, god they looked so alike!"
even we have 8 years old age gap but still look like a pair of twins with similar hair and dressing,
bottles of whiskey and buckets of chilled beer are all over the table,
attracted the crowd and i believe he's going to spend all his winnings of tonight here,
thing comes fast so it goes fast as well, the elder said, yes and always i believed.

bottles by bottles are down and everyone is having their own smokes and loud talk,
sticky girls are on desmond both arms and shoulder,
heavy based R&B are blasted with body shaking beats,
random laser beams get my vision scribbled,
hard liquor drives my movements delayed and my body start to float,
i love the atmosphere here seeing everyone is so attached to each other,
hugs and kisses happened in any corner,
jumping and dances on the rainbow lighted cubes on the floor,
i dance so naturally in front of unknowns and we've no gabs no boundaries in here.

i'm having fun drinking and dancing with random girls,
thanks to desmond as his brother's privilege allowed me to steal a little of his lime light,
mixture of different alcohol is taken shot by shot yet i'm still standing up high with duplicated vision already,
*shoulder grab*
i turn back and i see a medium height girl with well styled hair and fringe on her left,
attracted me with her mystery appearance under the weak light,
i have my pair of curious eye browns to my forehead and try to have my vision clearer and focus,
"yes? can i help y..."
my hand is grabbed hard and pulled by her before i finish my talking,
my wrist is held tight and my indecisive footsteps just follow,
the music in the club fades away slowly and i think i'm leaving the club already,
i guess and i'm not sure because is still dark in here and water dripping and flushing i heard,
*door slams*
wait a minute and i'm in the washroom cubical i think and what the hell is happening,
the girl pushes me to the wall and i'm not sober without a clear view of her,
she moves her shaded face to mine slowly and closely to mine,
i can smell heavy whiskey on her breath and she's going to do something to me,
my panic button is alert and i'm frightening already,
"what the...!"

-to be continued-

chimerical love turned fact

2009-04-21T11:59:00.007+08:00

a night to be remembered, 20.04.09

21.04.09
4.44am
in my room after smoke,
scenes happened 7hours ago start flashing through my mind again,
i can't help it because i can't believe my dreams come to life,
it really happened.

yesterday night,
on our phone talk,
"are you free for tomorrow night?"
chian asked.
"shouldn't be a problem, why?"
"jia en has a sort of fashion walk tomorrow, should i go?"
conversations continued till it will be confirmed tomorrow.

of course i'm willing to go with her,
20.04.09
4.33pm
she decided to go and actually i'm busy with keeping stuffs from my old house,
so i need to rush and pack all stuffs together and had them done in one shot,
picked her up as usual and i'm late because of off work traffic,
she's having her 'breakfast' in my car,
yet i wonder why she loves to eat in my rusted black knight and i laughed at it always,
we still got there in time the fashion show hasn't started yet,
so we looked for a good spot for a good view of the well decorated white stage,
we waited and waited after speeches and speeches are given and i already had my hot dog to hold my starve going on and she already had a round walk in the shoes boutique,
finally the show has start and applause is given by the crowd,
we were standing side by side with arms crossed behind the friends, family and judges of this fashion school graduation,
why still not seeing her sister yet,
we actually came to see her even though is not her graduation but just featuring model in it,
"no.29, bla bla bla bla...."
announced by the MC,
finally we saw her very adorable sister dressed in green dress, fancy make up and superb hair done,
she got excited after her impatience but she's happy to see her sister walking on the runway successfully,
i tried to take video and photo of en but we're just too far and phone camera isn't that clear after all,
less than a minute she's off from runway and got to the backstage,
chian and i went to the backstage to see and surprise her,
en is shocked and happy i think because she didn't expect anyone to come for it,
she's really tall with hills on,
i wonder why this pair of sisters have such height,
when hills on chian i'm just parallel with her eye level or she's taller already,
start blaming myself should have more basketball and jumping in my growing age.

chian accompanied me to have a smoking break,
i know she doesn't like but she's willing to i'm glad,
she quickly found a spot and sat down after her long stood with her tiny legs before i lighted my cigarette,
started to complain her toothache to me after she has plugged out her 'wisdom' even she had the medicine all taken,
she's cute with that kind of irritated face yet i feel bad for her toothache,
what i can do is start talking randoms to make her off focus of the disturbing pain,
after flicked the last puff of cigarette so we went back,
actually there's be one more round for the graduates receive their honour with their masterpieces arm held to the stage,
this time i got a great spot i shot en's photo,
so we went dinner without en because she needed a long time to have her mask off and hyper styled hair wash,
a simple dinner with her is comfortable without any interruptions,
just the food and us and i'm happy already,
she laughed about my way of holding chopsticks,
yes i admit i'm not skilled for it but i insist not to use a fork for noodles,
i shared photos and videos have been taken days ago when i was having fun in the waterfall with daniel and friends,
she said that she'll go with me one day,
i was surprised that she wanted to have outdoor activities with me,
she's lazy for sports and sweating hot activities i know,
i'll make a plan for this for sure.

it's been a long time i didn't stay in the city till late night,
after dinner and we have nothing to do just pure waiting,
she said she wanted a night view tonight,
i have no idea at all so we had a random walk in the city,
from plaza to plaza,from mall to mall,
she complained about my footsteps are too fast,
i look at her she had her left hand on her waist near stomach,
she claimed that she can't have fast walk after meal,
alright so i slow down my footsteps and walk her side by side,
we need to cross the medium traffic roads,
the pedestrian light turned green and we have to cross already,
i held her arm and cross then release after we had walked through,
bravery i lack of always, pathetic me.

random walks still go on,
complained about why i walked so fast,
actually i can have her on my back so she don't need to follow my not waiting speed of walking,
"well, why don't you let me walk after your footsteps?"
i asked and try to follow yet is really hard,
so resume to the ordinary side by side walk,
walking through the pubs and i'm tempted as usual by the green lighted beer,
she looked at me with that sarcastic face again,
i can't help it because tonight is kinda warm and i'm thirsty,
excuses of course, any happy hour promotional board will lure me to have a view of it,
i don't know why just tempted easily,
and we have reached the bridge to the petronas tower,
"let's walk further? i never try to there before."
i asked with my daring smile,
"yea... i never do it before, let's go."
she surprised me again,
we're walking side by side closely,
our hands kept contacting each other with that distance,
i grab her left hand tight, and wild try i have given,
i don't dare to look at her in a while because i afraid that she'll swing my hand off,
surprisingly she didn't,
so i turned my head and look at her,
she's actually smiling already like nothing happened,
oh my god, my dream scene come true?
i held her hand really right because i afraid that will only happen once,
"why did you hold so tight?"
so loosen my hand and she has her fingers wide open,
our fingers crossed and i'm holding her right hand in full now,
kept walking without good sense of direction actually,
she has sweaty palm actually she said,
i held her fair white tiny right hand up and wipe of the sweat of it with my crimson red vintage t-shirt,
and resume the holding again, i really afraid to lose this time,
she said her hand need some rest,
so i placed her right arm over my left,
with my right hand on her wrist,
sorry i just couldn't let you go so easily,
we kept walking and switching way of holding hands till we have reached the convention center,
it was a long walk we know,
is amazing and i feel love tonight,
and we're having jokes and teasing all the way to the of this shopping center park,
i didn't know there's a so beautiful park built there,
and there's playground in it so we got the swings,
she sat on it and i do the pushing,
i could see that she needed some rest after this long walk,
are we together already?
i asked myself and i don't dare to know yet.

after her swings and my cigarette,
is time to walk back to the plaza we parked my car there and also en called that she has done,
we're still walking with our hands held,
it's lack of time already and i need to ask her,
"so what are we now?"
she looked at me and show her very face with heavy sarcasm,
"normal friend of course."
i'm disappointed with my head down,
she laughed at me,
"so do you simply hold a normal friend's hand?"
"of course NO!!!"
i answered loudly,
"so you're my girlfriend already? really? are we couple already?"
asked with my stupidity i know, yet i still need to verify,
she just laughed and i got it,
after all, my efforts aren't just pure beautiful memories and progress,
it actually brought me a happy ending,
my joy flowed all over my body and i can't feel my feet actually,
floating already i think,
my baby steps of love actually worked out,
my imaginary love turned real in my life already,
i fall in love with the same girl twice,
i've lost her once, i won't let her go so easily this time,
1042pm, the building's digital clock showed,
we got together finally,
our love is verified and received,
my girlfriend, chian.
faith got us together,
fate leads to faith,
faith gives us love,
we're in love this time,
after 3 years of unmet,
we're actually strangers and new for each other again,
memories are refreshed after i met chian back,
outings to datings till today,
10th of kit's birthday,
11th i passed her a gift,
12th i gave her my sun,
13th a great movie and dinner,
14th lunch,a drink and movie,
15th is tonight, we are together now.

our story has just begun actually,
and we started walking back to the plaza,
i swing her hand high with my child like joy,
she claimed that's the first time she see someone play with her hand with so many ways,
well i hope my creativity keeps our sparks burn endlessly,
we're almost there back to the bridge,
a pair of tourist came to me,
"excuse me? may i know where's bukit bintang?"
so i try to direct them,
"oh, why don't you just follow us? we're heading there actually."
so we led them to the place,
i had a small conversation with them and they're chinese from bangkok actually,
and they are 40-50 years old husband and wife,
hands held like chian n i,
how beautiful that they're still so sweet till today,
chain nodded and agreed,
the thais know their way already,
they thanked me and greeted me good night,
i wished them a safe flight tomorrow for their way home,
i think they have faith with each other all the time,
that's why they are still so sweet like fresh couples,
i envy and i want to have it,
this is what money can't buy i believed.

we got to en finally and i believed she has waited really long,
she's the first one who know us got together i think,
or the pair of lovely thai couple,
the father is concerning about their safety already,
i need to send them home already,
we got into the car and left the plaza already,
i held her hand again,
placed it on the soft toy on her laps,
we didn't really talk on the journey and she's playing with my fingers,
i don't want to release my hand at all,
i wanted to drive slowly but the parents are worrying already,
she tried to catch my tapping fingers and i tried to escape from it,
this is the over active vin and very disciplined chian met and got together,
the journey is quiet and we're listening to the cd i specially burned for her,
true love is one language i believe,
it doesn't effected by different backgrounds, cultures, languages, beliefs and personality,
without talking,
we have it all already.

goodnight love,
goodmorning in a while,
i couldn't sleep and you know why,
vin is just some idiot can't stop expressing himself.

missing your cotton like hands and beautiful face,
21.04.09
650am
-vin, waking you up in a while-

metamorphosis - 10 - street culture

2009-04-17T13:00:00.004+08:00

the crowd is spreading off from the race machines slowly,
desmond get back to his car,
wind down the windows,
puffing his brown butted cigarette,
look at me with his confidence smile,
show the thumb of victory to me,
it seems like he has done it all the time,
his eyes is so bright and calm.

a tall and seductive lady walk out,
swinging her long black hair and it blows,
hot tempting body makes the guys do an unknown swallow,
with low and slight transparent white top,
short denim skirt extended her pair of saliva drooling long legs,
with her pair of tall sharp white hills cut through every man's heart,
she stops in between of the four cars,
her right hand raises with fine fancy medicured fingers,
the engine starts revving smokes,
girls scream their pair of lungs out of throat,
so crazy,
start the counting,
"5 for the fanatics,
4 for the mechanics,
3 for the ladies,
2 for Mr.Big,
and 1 for the street men!
Let's ROLL!!!!"
said by the most sexy voice i ever heard.

desmond flicks the cigarette away,
it slowly spins and hit the ground,
tyres screeching angrily,
thick smokes are left on the starting point,
the car night lights are dragged like red rainbows,
all the cars is off for tonight victory,
my eyes couldn't blink at all,
start doubting desmond can make it or not with his old machine,
compared to the modern shiny armors,
i chased up his car with my vision,
my legs follow along,
is too fast,
the mufflers are bursting flames from far,
and they come to the first turning,
4 of them are close together tail by tail,
the starting point,
i can only see deep tyre marks are left on the starting point,
i asked jun,
"is this street race like a circuit?"
"yes, they'll be back in few minutes and grab the money."
i follow the crowd to the spots that audiences still can have slight vision of the whole race,
the highway is totally dark without street lamp,
i only see the head lights,
are so close to each racing cars,
the disk brakes are turning red hot when they are going into turnings,
ear pitching brakes and loud mufflers roars i can hear,
i hope he can come back the race safely,
please god,
they are off my vision already.

the angry race still going on,
i can hear very clearly,
*car crashed out loud from the dark*
i hear cars are spinning and hitting the dividers on the highway,
or maybe rolling,
oh my great god,
not desmond please,
please i beg you,
the race still continue,
the crowd got quiet for a while and resume their cheers high,
this is a street race,
i see,
is wild and loud,
isn't just fun,
more for the thrills and dramas,
the revving engines are getting nearer,
my hearing not mistaken by the echo reflected by walls and dividers,
there's only two cars left,
fighting side by side for tonight's victory,
they're getting closer,
closer to the starting point,
which is the end of the race,
i see both cars headlights appeared,
is too bright and i couldn't see what's happening there,
i want to run closer,
the usual crowd got there faster,
i can't get to the first point,
following them and i stepped on my not well tied shoes,
my hands got scratches for saving the falling me,
i'm panic and start pushing the shoe lace into my shoe simply,
start running again but the hyper crowd is getting more and more,
waiting to see who's the winner,
i couldn't squeeze in at all,
not even an inch of space for me,
they're crazy,
like the starving victims grabbing the buns on the ground,
i can't see a thing,
even jun and seng is missing,
i couldn't find them.

the first car has reached and dragged a long screeching,
the people cheers and yells like wild coyotes,
and the second came slowly and stopped,
people boos and showing the thumbs down,
i'm worry about desmond now,
did he get to the finish line?
i can't wait already,
i pushed myself in the the crowd hardly,
with every little strength i have,
finally i got myself through and have the resulted view,
"oh fuck......"

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 09 - vivid night

2009-04-16T13:00:00.005+08:00

in the hot sunny afternoon of saturday,
elaine n i got to the city,
she dressed in a green tee with jeans and sport shoes,
and i'm with big white shirt and three quarters,
we hit the big mall and meet up the other three,
lunch in a coffee shop around the mall,
yet we're living as a student with budgeted allowance,
couldn't afford the air conditioned restaurants in the grand mall,
walk around and as usual hang in the arcade for hours,
robin always tried hard to win the soft toys for kiwi,
yet luck wasn't so smooth,
kit is playing the gunning games,
breakthrough levels by levels with his bull eyed accuracy,
just with one coin,
we can stand and wait him for almost hour,
till the game end,
he's great and attracted the passing by random audiences,
elaine will meet her sisters as usual,
go for tea talk and gossips,
her friends aren't from our school,
i don't really know how she got to know them actually,
heard that she's busy in the night weekend,
but i wasn't invited yet need to help out mom almost every night,
wilson is as high profiled as usual,
friends around the mall,
visiting them shops by shops,
i wonder why i'm the only sucker have nothing to do,
playing the drums arcade alone,
or the guitar,
maybe is easy and it makes me look cool.

actually we're not punks always hang around the arcade,
we do go to bookstores,
wilson will get a psychology book and sit down reading it seriously,
pages by pages and adjusting his spec constantly,
i always think the book doesn't match his rugged appearance at all,
yet i always tease him about it,
robin will duck in the culinary arts corner,
browsing recipes from appetizer to main dishes to desserts to cocktails,
big eyes rolling and absorbing everything he could,
i see dreams and love in him always,
kit will be like some old man standing in the philosophies zone,
i wonder what is so good about those million words books,
they smell like grandfather's clock to me,
different girls are flipping the fashion magazines,
standing and leaning the wall with individual posture,
some with hills,
some with beautiful dress,
some with inched make ups,
some with eye catchy accessories,
and some with medusa hairs,
i wonder why this school girl,elaine,
is in the ladies crowd as well.

the art and design corner my paradise actually,
designs are always so up to date,
new modern artists got their fame every seasons,
i'm glad to see new works every time i visited here,
always fresh,
the creativity and crazy thoughts surprised me always,
this book featured with different artists from asia annually,
i wonder my portrait would appear in it one day or not,
i love to draw a lot since the day i know what's a pencil,
scribbles at first,
stickmen the next,
the simplified mother with broccoli like hair,
coloured lips with crimson red,
the scenery of the city with my crayons,
start inventing my style of drawing,
i drew them out but i don't know what it means,
i just feel good while looking at them on the wall,
just few thick strokes with colours,
not a rainbow or bench,
art is so bold and deep,
i still don't know who the hell is picaso that time,
the big boys of the family loves automobiles,
me as well,
draw my very own weird shaped cars with thick antenna,
and luxury cars and gave to my dad,
he thinks that these are what i desired,
actually i just draw out what he likes,
as gifts for my sweating dad works for the family,
i think the art blood runs in the family always,
my mother was a tailor,
made beautiful vibrant dresses for herself,
macho shirts and big bottom slacks for my dad,
should be a fashion designer already if she had invested effort on it,
my dad's chinese horoscope, the rampaging wild horse,
he can draw beautiful horses with chinese calligraphy brush,
so alive with strengthened tails,
but he's good and lucky in business as well,
my interesting family,
amanda is good in painting scenery,
yet she gave up dreams and take the reality,
i always feel sad about it till today.

dreams are suppose to be chased,
but it depends on capability and society,
i always know,
not giving up yet because i'm now young and passioned.

the sun is about to dip into the low clouds,
it's time to go home,
we enjoy going out together but do individual stuffs,
this made me see friendship special,
all from different personalities,
backgrounds,
hobbies,
dreams,
interests,
yet we can walk together,
talk about general,
standing on each other's back,
courage and applause,
hold whoever fell,
wipe whoever teared,
it never ends,
i know,
and i hope.

off the train station,
elaine and i go to Xian Wei help out and night meal,
is a busy weekend,
it's about midnight,
customers all have gone home,
we both as well.

i got home,
desmond just had his shower and dressed up in branded shirt and expensive jeans,
cologne smell all over and it covers the shop's smell,
"yo, where you going now?"
"why? interested to come with me?"
well, the first time he offered me,
why not?
"give me 10 minutes and i'll be in the car."
i had quick shower and dressed up well,
quicken my footsteps from the staircase to his car,
his modified powerful 3 doors japanese 90's car,
sharp red with winged spoiler,
the engine revs up like angry bulls,
the guys love it always,
the girls think that's a ugly machine,
is always the judgement between cover and function,
men are from mars,
women are from venus,
we know and never understand why.

*muffler blasts*
less than 20minutes and i'm in the city already,
he's almost the hands and legs of his own chili red machine,
dodging the scrolling cars on the highway,
like the zigzagged lightning,
i'm in a red bullet without fear,
this is what i believed in desmond always,
his judgements and talents on wheel,
never doubted.

"hey, where are we hitting actually?"
"you'll have your eyes open big in a while."
said confidently with slight ego,
"showing off your new girlfriend again?"
"more than that, young man."
with his semi smile.
in a short while,
we got to an old town with some abandoned buildings,
my dad said here was a place under the black society's control,
abandoned plazas from the 80's,
old shop lots junk with brothels upstairs,
gamblers are betting life fortune in the unfinished constructions,
moving corps drug addicts lying in the backyards,
i start to fear yet my adrenal rushes the curiosity,
i want to see more,
even more.

"are we there already?"
i asked with my impatience,
"almost there after few turnings."
we're almost off city and to this old big highway,
was busy in the 90's,
quiet totally after the millennium,
it's the first time i come to this place,
in the middle of the night,
i'm shocked and surprised,
hundred of street tuned wheels are parked side by side on highway,
yet i see young men and girls are waving to my brother,
he never let me down,
the heroic acts still burning,
what are they going to do here?
gathering?
hell no way,
there'll be more.

"kid, get down and stay with Jun and Seng."
i walk down from his car and went to the his friends,
"oh vin! finally you're off prison!?"
Jun said with a sort of welcome,
"no.... i was just following him..."
my eyes can't stay off from the crowd and smoking cars,
jun offered me a cigarette,
i take it without hesitating and he lighted up,
logic has lost and i can't wait to see what's next,
puffing it deeply,
and i cough like choking big rocks in my throat,
jun and seng laughed at gave me heavy padding on my back,
"that's the real world my boy, my boy!"

desmond and his red machine,
slowly move on the highway,
with several high tuned cars,
they are new and shiny,
unlike my brother's old wrecked machine,
and they are aligned now,
the drivers off the car,
desmond as well,
walk to a big fat man with long sleeved tattoo over,
seem like a person in charged here,
throwing a stack of 50bucks in a container the big dude held,
almost 2000bucks a stack from my experienced calculations for my dad and brother kiong,
"FUCK ALL THEM IN THE POT MY MEN! WINNERS HAVE THEM ALL!!!!!!"
person in charged shouted and hold the stacks of penny high,
the different crowds of each competitors cheer out loud and the girls with vibrant dressing start jumping,
i see desmond's fanatics and friends,
busy taking out the passenger seats out and checking the his car with bonnet opened,
is a street race,
a race without insurance of accidents and deaths,
my brother,desmond,
how long he has been racing on the street already?

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 08 - long slumber

2009-04-15T13:00:00.003+08:00

nothing happened,
my eyes slowly open,
the vision is totally dark,
actually my face is on my pillow,
my head is still heavy,
really heavy,
i look out from the window,
the sun rose up in the middle of the sky,
i drag my heavy head and look at the clock,
the short needle pointed at 12,
why there's no one wakes me up today,
i'm a depending boy to my mom and sister,
they gave me up today,
sure is my dead sleep deaf me,
my hands place on my forehead and neck,
is heaty,
i'm sick after the long run and soft walk under the rain.

i walk down to my dad business place,
"son, what's with the pale face?"
"i have fever and sick already."
replied with weak voice,
"you want to see the doctor?"
i hated to see doctor and take medicine always,
"is alright, i'll down the bottle of water and rest."
"okay, if you got better then come down and help out,
is a busy day because leong didn't come."
"alright..."
what a great daddy,
at least pass me some fever pills,
"where's desmond?"
"he went out for his slow ass lunch i think."
dad's head shakes and resuming to his work,
"keep it up and let him be like this forever."
i sarcastically said this and walk to zeus,
take some plain bread and dip into milk,
already the meal of the day for zeus,
he eats it happily and fast,
i open up his mouth,
oh, small teeth grew already,
i can give him food instead of milk already.
dad walked to me and look at zeus,
"oh, a new dog, i didn't notice."
is ridiculous that he didn't see a huge box right in front of his shop,
but is relevant for a hands held cigarette businessman for not awaring zeus,
"yeah, i named him zeus. beautiful dog right?"
"zeus? weird name, what the heck it means? too much computer games my boy."
"nevermind, call him whatever you want then."
"since this is the first day i see him, and business is good this morning,
i'll name him wong choi(旺财,good luck in money)."
expected like those previous dogs in the village the family had.

"i need more rest dad, see you later."
i walk up with heavy steps,
finish the whole bottle of water,
then start lying on the bed,
thinking of her face,
how i wish to see her now,
maybe i got to know her name already,
or we're having lunch right now.

i start visualizing the future of us,
my stupidity imagines always,
slowly i feel asleep with my heavy head,
it's been a long time i didn't get ill,
heard from the old people,
one with strong body defeats the small sickness,
but when the big ill comes it would be a fatal,
yes and now i agree,
i dead sleep till the night,
without any meal,
my mom is worried,
she off work early and kiong understands,
brought me to the clinic.

"young man, it's been 3 years i didn't see you.
good antibodies huh?"
doctor said,
and gave me medicine,
i've no choice already so be obedient to take them all,
i missed classes for 3days continuously,
rested well and smell like corps in the room,
being taken care by big mom,
she's busy yet lovely,
and i've more time to look at zeus and help out my dad,
until the weekend,
i'm revive and alive now,
no ordinary school days,
as usual we meet up on the train station,
elaine and i,
just both of us,
knowing and playing with each other from the village,
to the new town till vivid city,
what we're gonna do in the first weekend?
there's a lot and a lot,
our town to the big city,
the big city to the underground society,
i start to see more in my age 16,
weekend is so alive,
almost a.m. to a.m. every time,
so here's the reality revealed...

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 07 - zeus

2009-04-14T16:18:00.002+08:00

i look down slowly,
there's is a wet brown box shaking madly,
weird noise within it,
should be a small animal inside i think,
i drag it out slowly...
the shakes stopped,
i open it up,
an adorable black puppy,
showing it's very pinkish tongue and tail waves at me,
it's so cute and happy,
"oh my god! you took my hope away and gave me this!?"
i asked the god with my fooled face,
there's some wordings in the box,
"THE MEAN MAN HAS GONE, NOW YOU SET ME FREE MASTER!"
what a morron with good copy writing,
at least he knew that he's mean, bastard.

is alright,
i'll take this poor little black puppy,
milk splatters and poo all over it,
i carried it out from the smelly dirty box,
oh my my, is a male puppy,
he's good looking with energetic tail waves,
i'll be your big brother today,
the rain stopped all of a sudden,
i took out my left palm out from the roof,
not even a drop of mist,
he's on my right arm,
i look at him with doubting face,
"hey black, are you the weather god?"
he barks with ear pitching bark once,
and jump on me and start licking my face,
"so you're so into me huh?"
my white uniform from just wet to dirtily wet and stink,
is alright my man,
mom wouldn't blame if she sees you,
we've been a long time didn't keep a dog,
and he's so good looking with black silky coating.

"well, well, well..... let's go home and meet the members!"
he barks again,
i wonder he is a dog or small saint punished by the god,
so he has to be a dog and face the cruel real world,
"well, i'll name you..... ZEUS! cool?"
ZEUS, the thunder and lightning god,
storm whenever he wants i think,
just like him.

well,
the fate came now,
i should have faith in him now,
my green sling bag on my left,
and he's on my right arm,
walking on the street with no fear,
is like partners of super heroes,
undefeated,
"mom, i'm home."
"where have you been the whole day!? and your cell is dead!?"
i took out my phone,
out of battery,
"oh sorry, my phone is..."
i haven't finish saying and she yells again.
"oh my god! what have you brought home? a dirty dog and your whole wet and dirty uniforms!
did you know the laundry work isn't easy punk!?"
i got screwed deeply tonight and beg hard,
"well, let the dog stay, he's better than you, at least he waves and cute."
oh thank god,
i thought she's going to cook zeus with onion and dried chills,
"tonight you do the laundry and better set a good place for this black dog!"
"alright... i'll do the thing"
she went into her bedroom,
*door slams*

i got zeus shower,
cleaning the stains on him,
and dry him up with annie's hair dryer,
placed in a bigger fruit box,
pour him hot milk and water into different containers,
he's feeling safe and home now,
i sense it.

i got my dirty shirt,pants and socks washed in the washing machine,
scrubbing my pair of shoes and the dirts all out,
is so tired already,
i hung them all up beside my mom's high rated undies,
i wonder why she dries them in the night,
after zeus and my uniforms,
is my turn to have hot shower and sleep already,
so comfortable and relaxing now,
a good sleep tonight i deserved,
i took a short dash and jump on my bed lying,
splendid,
*snoring already*
after a long day.

i'm in the subway,
awaits the next train,
it has been long,
really long,
and is weird,
the station is empty,
totally empty,
how did i get here actually,
i don't see people and guards working today,
i jumped down to the railway,
start seeking for exit,
keep running with my green sling bag,
it's getting heavier and heavier,
my head weight a ton and i fall on the railway,
is so quiet,
so cold,
i couldn't move a bit,
*train horns*
i force my strength and but helpless,
can't even change my vision,
i'm panting,
the train is heading to me,
i'm lying on the railway,
i'm going to die now,
going to,
i don't know what to do,
i want to tell her i love her at first sight,
but is too late,
the train is near,
i can't see a thing just bright light,
"i love you, and what's your name sweet heart?"
my last word to the earth,
eyes closed tight,
i don't want to die yet.

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 06 - Ning An's navy blue rain

2009-04-13T14:26:00.003+08:00

"kit, is alright... tears are all gone now."
he looked up and wipe them all with the white uniform sleeve,
"i'll be fine vin, thanks for company."
"not at all, as a good friend of you."
i smile and padding his shoulder.
"vin, do you believe in fate?"
with the enduring face,
"there's fate when faith in it."
this is what i always blindly believe,
yet i don't have bravery to have faith,
"let's go already, our big lady in the house worries."
"yeah sure, thank you again vin."
after the last sip of cappuccino.

we walk out from the cafe,
the sky starts falling droplets,
i look at sorrowed boy with a wicked smile,
"kit, let's race?"
"loser pay the noodles tomorrow."
kit starts running already,
"you dick! wait up!"
i chase up the sneaky guy,
the rains fall heavier,
we are running under the rain,
laughter and dragging each other footsteps,
cars are speeding on the road,
splashes the dirty inflow water on us all over,
from head to toes,
we're still laughing and running recklessly,
a total wet,
a total fresh,
this is why we are labeled as teenagers,
we fall easy,
we stand up even easier,
running through the angry rain with laughter,
no one stops the passioned youth,
is green,
is so alive,
we want to stay young forever,
not the face and height,
more like the immortal spirits.

we got back to Wally,
the subway is crowded,
the city adults look at us and laugh,
who cares?
kit is off with is total wet uniform and black turtle shell,
i took the different underground train back to the city station,
hairs still dripping constantly,
is cold but warm inside my heart in the air conditioned train,
i've cheered my buddy up.

now i'm transferring the transit,
waiting the delayed train as usual,
on the opposite station,
someone is waving at me,
i look,
a girl with a similar face with white t-shirt,denim pants and chuck taylor's shoes,
holding shopping bags with groceries with her mom,
i push all my fringe backward to have my vision clearer,
is her again,
the first time i see her with long dark hair untied,
she's beautiful and fresh.
"hey........."
the train for my station arrived suddenly,
my vision of her gone again,
i'm panic and try to get a view to wave towards her,
the big crowd walks out,
i try to squeeze over but is too packed,
so i need to walk into the train and look through the window to see her,
hardly i got in from the busy crowd,
dodging the big men and women to the window,
she's still there and i'm glad,
i raise up my hand,
*vision blocked by hasty moving object*
the train from the opposite station arrived as well,
my vision towards her is totally blocked,
oh lord,
i wanted to walk out from the train again,
*doors alarm sirens and doors closed*
oh damn! why!?
my train starts departing from station,
the god is playful today,
he got me.

*doors open*
i walked out from the chilling train,
i sigh,
the rain hasn't stop,
is alright,
i'm down and wet already,
just walk under blue already,
rain still heavy but less angry,
i walk slowly and seeing my dirty white shoes step on water on dirty street,
headsets are attached,
playing my cherish music,
big lady didn't call up today,
so i decide go to the park and rest for a while,
now i'm under the roofed bench,
i'm lying on the bench,
looking the the rainy sky,
knuckles held high and shouted,
"oh whyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! my lord!!!!!!!"
is tiring today,
my vision slowly goes blur,
i fell asleep on the cold bench under Ning An's navy blue,
my cassette plays along,
until the rain is about to stop.

*angry knocking voice came under the bench.*
i was shocked and woke up,
what's underneath my slumber?

-to be continued-

the sun rises with a reason

2009-04-12T16:57:00.010+08:00

i snapped her living place

i've been writing 'metamorphosis this week,
the fiction based on true stories,
i enjoy twisting the facts to the max,
all most forgot about reality.

tonight,
431am, 12.4.09.
i'm listening to smashing pumpkins' 33
it recalls about her,
the twisting sparks are splashing all over my dark,
i taste the purified love and couldn't let myself swallow it at once.

about a month ago,
was a saturday night,
right after genji's birthday,
i was texting with her in the club,
walking in and out just to buy short air time,
listening her existence,
till she fell asleep in her mash mellowed dream again,
good night, chian.

out of the smoked and sweaty club,
had a rough supper and tea,
i drove home,
into my bedroom.

she'll be in college tomorrow for open day,
i was lying on the bed and her face storming constantly in my mind,
was 15.03.09 around 5am,
i couldn't sleep right after heavy alcohol and smokes,
even after the midnight hot shower,
a wild thought came into my mind,
wouldn't it be beautiful that i pick her up and send her to college after few hours?
so i waited till the sun rose!
she's about to wake up so i gave her a breakfast call,
"hello.... wake up already?"
"erm... just about to..."
she spoke like a kid woke up by the parents and rubbing her eye,
"oh well,may i fetch you to college today?"
"oh why!? is alright,i can go by myself.."
surprised and doubting yet refusing,
"actually i'm broke but my car still filled with petrol, and i need to use the internet.
so you can buy me breakfast and lunch and i can do my work at your wireless internet college right?"
lamest excuse i ever gave to a girl,
"erm........"
she's still doubting and hesitating,
"oh please, i need to use internet so badly, and i'm broke so i don't know how to settle my meal for this good sunday!"
"alright, so see you in a while then.."
i can sense the very usual gentle smile from her.
"see you soon!"
my wild try and hours of wait is totally worth it!

i walked out from my room,
grabbing my black knight's key and art machine,
"Mom! I'm going out for assignments!"
with a cheering smile for the sunday morning.
"surprisingly you can get your ass off from the bed huh!?"
"yeah! because is a good sunny sunday!"
i'm laughing and swinging the beer opener attached with my car key,
my great sunday morning started.

i wined down the window of my car,
driving my joy and the beautiful warming sun is following me to her place,
feeling the morning breeze and took out my cigarette,
is a last stick,
mild seven original,
i make a promise to Chang,
after this stick i've to move on life already,
puffing and tasting precisely,
is the best stick ever i smoked in my life,
and about to arrive,
i took out my cell and snapped a photo of her territory,
seeing her walking toward me with her trademarked smile again,
she dressed in purple and is first time i see,
it looks great for her fair skin
"hey, i had breakfast already."
"i thought we suppose to have it together?"
is alright, i can take anything whenever she's here,
"my mom bought the breakfast, sorry.. let's go drive thru so i can buy you breakfast there!"
"okay~ let's go!"
our 9th date began.

we were queuing up for my breakfast,
jokes as usual happened,
she told me one,
the greatest joke from her so far,
i love it,
always remember and i'll share it with my friends,
a 'machi separating and joining joke'.
always remembered,
always.

we've reached,
she went down first because she's late again as usual,
i drove out to get a new pack of cigarette,
is a must to have a stick right after a meal,
smokers agree,
so i made a random parking,
and it faced her college main entrance directly,
with a view of starcases lead you to educations and future,
balconies and the side,
she studies in this beautiful college yet i'm having hard works in the shoplots.

i took out the blessed breakfast,
a sausage mcmuffin, hashbrown and hot coffee,
i placed them on the rear of my car,
that's the first time i had breakfast with my car,
with headset attached on my ears playing energetic songs,
mixing the creamers and sugar into the lips burning coffee,
looking at the balcony and assume her to appear,
unwrapped the breakfast and taste it with my sweetened appetite,
what a beautiful sunday... thank god...

"hey, why don't you eat inside the college?"
she appeared on the balcony and laughing at my weird acts,
"is okay, is best fit here."
i replied with graceful smile and hand waving,
she smiled and nodded and walked away.
when i'm bout to finish the mcmuffin,
there's two stray dogs appeared,
looking at me and tails shaken,
i gave the bread to the big black dog,
and the meat to the smaller cream dog,
now it's my turn for the hashbrown,
they were still hoping,
but sorry no one takes my hashbrown! my favorite!
eventually i finished my breakfast with 2 dogs and my car,
took the last sip of hot coffee,
i carried my laptop and walk into her education place.

wow, is big and the sunshine goes through the glassed roof,
splendid environment!
she walked out from the office and headed to me,
"oh... finished already?"
"yeah, let's go."
she led me to the place that i'm gonna lay eggs there for few hours,
is alright, worth it already,
to the first study room but the aircond wasn't working,
so she brought me to the 3rd floor one,
labs and computers all around,
so i placed my laptop and and the surfing,
and she went down.

in a while,
i went down to find her,
for my after meal cigarette,
on my way i snapped a view of her college,
she told me the smoking zone,
is a sunday so no one is there and i smoked alone,
walk around the building,
so here's where she studies.

i went back to the study room,
start surfing and work now,
after a while,
i see her passing by through the glass,
directing the parents and the fresh grads from high school,
oh, actually she can take the lead,
she looked at me and smile with her both hands behind while walking pass,
what a weird way of walking to give a tour for people on open day,
i laughed and she's really cute after all.

when she's bored,
she came to me,
looking at what's the design i'm doing actually,
i demonstrated but she didn't really get it,
is okay,
maybe these are the steps we need to know each other again after years of unmet,
she really listened to what i said,
and i simplified to let a business student know more about art and design.

is fun to have a sunday like this,
seeing her walking pass without prior notice,
and she gave a smile whenever she walks through,
i was kinda sleepy but i didnt take a nap because i don't want to miss even once,
to see her walking pass,
but i did miss once for smoking break,
i looked so rugged there,
everyone in the college dressed well and tidy.

it ends around four in the afternoon,
i went into the car and waited for her,
and we went to have some noodles for our late lunch,
the sky started to rain,
is hardly to find a parking over there,
surprisingly there's a car leaving right in front of the noodle house,
luck is with you whenever you have faith in it,
i believe it always.

i asked her to wait in the car,
i took the umbrella and opened the door for her,
i love to do this to the girl i love always,
holding her shoulder close to me,
under one small water proof,
walk from the wet to the dry,
like going through the rough parts of life with companion of each other and joy within,
with this close distance with her,
i wish the rain falls forever allowed me to hold her tight always,
a wild wish of mine,
of mine.

after this short late lunch,
i need to send her back to home sweet home,
she's a pure and sweet girl from a lovely family i believe,
whenever she's home,
i feel safe,
and i left with her tempting perfume on my car again,
the rain stopped,
the sun shines again.

small outing,
long written,
details are jotted down,
worth me to do it,
before my memories are blurred,
i'll still write about us,
isn't for her or people to read,
is for me to recall and baby steps.

641am,12.04.09
-another great sunday before dawn-

metamorphosis - 05 - a deep cut

2009-04-10T14:11:00.003+08:00

“Hey Kit! Got lost in Flamingo View again?”
I always tease him about this because he just moved into this new developed town next to the city yet the town name is funny,
he got lost for several times.
"Hey Vin… where are you? I need someone to talk right now.”
I heard sobbing and his deep voice went even lower than usual.
“Well, are you cool? Let’s meet up or just through air?”
Kit drags his inhale deeply,
“See you at the café near Wally Square alright?”
whenever he wants to go there,
there’ll tons of sorrow to share.
“Alright, grab your wallet tight, your treat! Haha…” trying to cheer him up a bit.
“Sure, see you… bye…”

I took the train and transferred to subway,directly get me into Wally,
I dash myself through staircases and walking paths,
the sun is about to vanish when I walked out from the underground,
I have good sense towards my buddies,this is no joke and small matter,big leaps of running through few streets and ally,the calming café appeared in my eye.
A fair boy with school uniforms sitting on his favorite table,
with a black bag pack,
no doubt is him with left arm supporting his heavy head on the table,
the other hand is stirring the hot cappuccino uncertainly,
the enduring eyes looking at his cell without an eye blink.

I sit down with my light smile,he look up and feel safe that I’m here.
“Bro… are you alright? Where’s Yiyi?”
stupid question I asked and I know is a must.
“We just broke up…. She needs to leave the country.”
We’ve knowing this for long but we didn’t know it came so fast.
“Didn’t you know this day will come already?”
He nodded angrily and tears started to shed,
hands over my both wrists and start crying out loud and trembles,
I feel his pain totally just by feeling how tight and unwillingly he grabbed my wrists.
There’s nothing much I can do but just company,
isn’t it enough already?
or not?
this is the first time ever I see kit cries all out,
the tears fall like million little sands leaking out from the hourglass,
droplets of tears hit on my held hands,
is cold and unstoppable.

Yiyi and Kit,they were together since junior two,
I saw how Kit tried really hard to impress her with his passive personality,
almost every time we visited this café is because of her but we know this is the last time,
just by pure loving one’s soul with full heart,
naïve or divine?
I’m kind of envy about Kit sometimes,
at least he had once a real and pure one,
I know isn’t easy for him to go through it this time,
all these while his life is majorly arranged by the parents,
things to learn and hobbies to love,
unlike a rebellious punk like me try to chase his art dream immortally,
this is the first precious thing ever he grabbed and owned it by his own hands,
now he must let her go for her great future and we weaklings toward the reality.
Wishing her the best in life,
with graceful smile yet powdered heart underneath it.

First love we called,
also first cut we named.

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 04 - a call

2009-04-09T19:33:00.004+08:00

As usual I met Elaine and got to class late again,
the mathematics teacher as our class teacher as well,
Mr. Walter Qing starts writing formulas on the black board,
the chalk’s length shorten really fast by his scribbling way of writing and speed,
I see the white dust falls like stardust of an enchanted magic wand,
my eyes are weakling now,
about to fall into slumber again,
her face intents to appear in my mind blurred vision…

*heavy wooden door opened slowly chimes out the disturbing rusted noise…*
The buffed up basketball coach came in and voice out loud,
“Excuse me Walter, I need some small little punks to help me carry the new sport equipments from my wagon. So, any warm hands here?”
“Let’s go big chunk!”
I’m already off my cold seat and arm over Jason, the coach shoulder already.”

Eventually these warm hands are from different classes and you’ll know who,
every time we gave Jason helps,
he’ll fetch us out from the school and drop by at a coffee shop nearby,
treat us toasts and indirectly allow us skip some legs numbing classes.

He’ll take out his pack of hot red cigarettes and it always tempted Wilson.
Both of them are puffing like the prisoners off their cursed jail.
We’ve got used to it since last year,
I was always offered by generous Jason all the time,
he claims that I look like one or maybe drug addict one day,
my nature reactions are always show the tough boney middle fingers place right on his face,
or grab his cigarette and burn the filter so he’ll lose 30cents,
this is a small interesting part of our high school life,
learning so called ways of life from Jason instead of sport.

Is second day of school starts,
used text books are all over the floor in the locker room,
we grab all the clean and almost unread one and store them in our four different locker,
the juniors are smart enough to find us for half priced text books,
there’s nothing personal,
just business.

These extra pocket money are equally split pot,
but we spend it on individual way.

Robin will get some bakery recipes and also small gifts for kiwi,
for Wilson, you’ll never know where and how he spent them all in days,
Kit a stable guy will saved up for the weekends,
and I’ll get some plain t-shirts and fabric paints to do my artistic showcase.

*last class bell rings*
I didn’t get to see her today because was busy to be friendly and also to the penny,
I’ve waited Elaine and helped her to carry the freshly bought books,
“Why don’t you take those in my locker? We’ve bundle already and it’s free!”
same question I ask annually.
“No thanks, I want stuffs fully belong to me from start to end.”
same answer I listened.
just left both of us today,
once they got the penny,
it’s time for honey,
not Elaine and I all these years,
is alright.
I’ll bring Elaine to the arcade in the city for some fun,
and the café we chilled for years since junior one,
start talking about our childhood till present.

“Are you falling in love again?”
she suddenly asked,
“Yes, the pink sling bag girl but she has a boyfriend already I think.”
I show the expected face.
“How do you fall in and out love easily Vin?”
“Because I don’t dare to get them so I gave up with my low self esteem.”
We kept quiet for a minute,
“No! I shouldn’t have give up, she’s the one already!”
the youth soul berserk.
“The one? Aren’t you kidding me? This is the first time I hear this ‘the one’ thing from you, you don’t even know her name kid!”
“Elaine, I don’t know! She’s just so so different! So surreal yet filling my body and soul. Do you know what I mean?”
“I don’t know and I’m not interested, boys are always boys. Drink up your latte quickly I need to buy the book wrappers. Or else kiong will screw both of us up for late.”
start piling the books and pass to me.
“Alright and I’m still the one carrying your damn text books back to Xian Wei.”

We’re in the train again,
the 4th station from the city again,
I recalled what I’ve seen here yesterday,
the station is quiet today,
I feel her presence but not even a shadow in my vision,
once again,
surreal yet filling.

The dream scene of last night hits into my mind suddenly,
what’s the promise we had?
what’s in the black wrapper,
it shapes rectangular and flat…
Sketch book?
Mouse pad?
Final examinations answers?
Weird imaginations come into my sick brain again,
I couldn’t help it and this is me.

I sent Elaine and her books back to Xian Wei and I went home,
beautiful yolk like sunset is melting on the buildings and roads of the town,
I love to walk under this beautiful scene with my headset attached,
listen to the cassette player that abandoned from Desmond,
he has a digital music player now as known as MP3 player in this modern society,
who cares? I’ve all my favorite songs recorded in this cassette for years,
quality songs never die I said.

*phone vibrates*
Kit called all of the sudden,
isn’t he suppose dating with Yiyi...?

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 03 - peak and valley

2009-04-08T17:18:00.011+08:00

god gives and takes in a day...

we reach our town and walk out from the crowd,
elaine left without saying a word to me,
she does read me sometimes but not today,
sorry and thank you for these ten years of friendship.

*phone vibrates*
i took my cell out and answered,
"hey my boy! stop fooling around and get your ass back to Xian Wei!! (鲜味, the restaurant of brother keong)" with a busy kitchen noice over.
it's time to help out my mom a little in the kitchen,
wash the dishes and slice the reddish carrots,
also for my dinner.

is the end first day of class,
5.1.2004,
i see families bring their children with brand new white uniforms and big clumsy school bags,
the parents are always joyful when they see the kids are on the track to future,
so should have a great meal outside tonight to celebrate a great start,
Xian Wei always the best choice for seafood,
i'm proud of my mom and brother keong as well.

smoke and amazing saliva drooling scent filled the kitchen's atmosphere,
the workers and i hang a white towel on shoulder or neck for hot sweat,
the side pockets hold the table cloth,
sending food and big bottles of beer to tables,
gather and clean up the leftovers minute to minute,
we're like little gears in the grandfather's clock spinning constantly,
i love seeing people enjoy the food and feed their kids on the wooden baby chair,
the businessmen bottom their beer and stouts,
puffing the cigarettes like storming billion of ideas in the air for the future.

the people walks away with satisfied stomach and toothpick on the mouth,
it ends and i took my mom emptied yellowish big plastic bottle,
she packed some fried chicken wings for my dad's beer snacks,
we're walking on the quiet street,
seeing people cleaning the rats favorite ally,
drunkards are sitting on staircase under the shoplots,
old man is riding big black bicycle with wide thin wheels and a supper cart attached,
on our way home,
just ying,my mom and i.

"oh boy, how's class and the monkeys?" mentioning the four out of five of us.
"they're as themselves as usual."
"what about you? you look exhausted."
"of course, i came to help out right after class."
"shut up boy! you're the most hyperactive kids i ever seen in my 48 years of life."
i muted myself and head is getting low.
"mom, my day went to the peak and fell into the deepest valley, first time ever in my life, just in a day, no , is just few hours."
"i can sense it when you're miles away having beef ball noodles with your buddies! told you not to have beef, you're a buddhist like us!"
"...." that's why i say, she's always the champion.
"what happened actually? other than me, no one can really turn you down, met a new girl?" i'm thinking, she was a fortune teller is her past life.
"yea mom... she's so sweet, yet she has a boyfriend."
"oh that's sad, nevermind, your allowance isn't enough for you to have a girlfriend my kid! give up already!" end with a laughter, it hurts.
i know she doesn't mean to say it, just being a mom and friend role,
she's always good i know.

i'm home with my dirty uniforms and socks,
i went to shower and my dirty clothes are gone,
thank you mom, for working in the morning and laundry at the night,
i shouldn't be so weak after all,
but i can't help it today,
i fall on my bed and get into slumber in seconds,
it's been a long time i didn't sleep so early and usually finger tipping my computer.

i'm in the train station again waiting,
someone tap on my shoulder and i turned back,
is her,
"hey, you're so early today!" she speaks like we're friend for long,
"yeah, i slept quite early last night." i'm looking at her lime green name tag, is crafted "C......", isn't clear i don't know why.
"i've a present for you, vin!" grabbing a black box out from her baby pink sling bag.
"oh, thank you. but why?" i'm happy and confuse.
"is our promise don't you remember!?" showing a doubting face.
"promise?"
she look at me with the smile kills the pain and heal the wounds.
i wanted to ask her about the boyfriend,
i just can't say it out and jammed in my throat,
my breath stopped as well...
....
...
..

*door slams!*
i jump up and blankets and pillows all over the floor,
"punk! wake up already!" mom yelled.
i look at my clock,
the alarm didn't ring because i didnt set it up,
i'm late again.
it was just a dream,
weird dream,
a promise in a dream,
what is it?

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 02 - sixteen years of life

2009-04-07T22:40:00.004+08:00

vin lim is from a typical chinese family,
used to live in a small village, 乐荣村 (Le Rong Village) till age 12,
the father sells salted fish and preserved seafood in the wet market,
is a generous man helps neighbours and people around in the village,
the mother works as a food hawker,
she cooks amazing delicious food,
the villagers and neighourhood love it most,
the brother, desmond is a popular kid in this small village due to his heroic acts,
two sweet sisters,
amanda, an ambitious girl from small village, into fine art yet always help out the household,
amazing caring big sister!
annie, a timid girl and her sweet face always attracts the off school boys with golden hair, piercings, white singlet, torn jeans with leather slippers,
she avoids them all the time and stick with my big mom always in the hawker stall.
i'm just a kid running around with friends,
catch fishes in the river,
steal fruits from the neighbour and they are to kind to catch me,
paint my house walls and gates with vibrant colours and ready to get screw by mom,
whenever i'm sad i'll find elaine to the small peak around our village,
look at sunset and catch little moths,
climb trees and fall down from it,
naive and peace.

father business went good and opened up a small groceries shop of size of two shop lots in the town currently i live in, 宁安镇 (Ning An Town),
of course the chinese style and the chinese smell,
so after a year settle down the business there,
we moved out from village to small town and live above the shop lots,
and my brother gotta regain his fame,
amanda got her scollarship and went United Kingdom to with a lot part time jobs,
that's the first time i see my dad cries,
he's proud and touched by amanda obviously because desmond was the one suppose to do it.
annie as timid as usual,
not much friends yet but willing to learn english hardly to fit in this new catholic school in her senior high,
isn't a problem because she always has the sweet charming face to attract the 'helpers',
elaine and i entered the same school as well for our first year of junior high,
we wondered why there's statue of mary and church next to it.
brother keong as elaine's dad opened a small seafood restaurant and my mom is a cook in it,
so actually both of our families moved to this small town near the big city together,
brother keong and my mom are good friends like elaine and i,
we're glad that all of us still together watching and caring each other all the time.

age 13,
i have the same height as elaine,
i wonder and worry would i stay in this pathetic figure till my adulthood,
how i'm gonna carry a beautiful wife back to my shoplots and let my parents have the tea?

time flies,
we learned english intensively due to the parents are so typical chinese,
i fell in love with girls randomly but i couldn't brave up to confess due to my stupid pathetic body,
we met wilson, robin and kit in this school,
we're almost the same type of chinese background,
so we backed each other up till today,
and finally i have the general height of 16years old boy,
thanks to basketball and the groundnut roots prepared by my big mom with loves,
my fingers got longer,
thanks to keyboards of computers and forced to learn piano but fail to master,
and i think this music instrument is so girly and pink,
my languages start allow me to communicate already to the city,
finally i made friends in this town due to my cousins daniel and chris already moved in this town 10years ago,
desmond is as high profile as usual,
changing girlfriends like the seasons and followers always around whenever he is,
maybe he quit school too early and got a lot of penny from daddy,
working in this chinese salted fish smelled shop for my dad since his 13,
my dad has higher education level than him,
i laughed and i still love him as my big bro,
always hope he excel in life soon.

now i'm here,
met the second most beautiful woman in my life,
my mom the champion of course,
what's her name..

"RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
class end,
i'm at the crowded locker room waiting for her appearance but sadly she just join in and haven't have a locker yet,
idiot vin,
i sadly walk to the canteen with heavy head staring at my torn dirty white school shoes...
"Ouch!!"
a girl shouted and all her new text books and stationary all over the floor,
my dumb reaction is quickly squat down pick them up and sweep the dusts away,
"oh sorry sorry, my bad my bad..."
i look up,
a familiar shaded girl figure and the hot sunshine right behind of her,
i cant see her clearly until i stand up,
"hey! the directory boy!" she said,
is her again,
"oh hi...." i was stunned and said this,
i pass the books to her gentle small hands,
she just smile and hug them and walk away with her baby pink sling bag again,
i stand and look at her back and slowly lose the vision of her,
and i forgot to ask her name again.

"BIG NOSE VIN!"
someone pushed me from the back and my miserable souls just gathered back into my body,
is elaine and the 3 spec guys.
"who's that new girl!?" wilson asked with his wicked smile and elbow hitting on my chest,
"oh, she's from the other catholic school, because the dad came to the city for business and she moved here and study." said kit.
"really!? what's her name!?" i asked,
"i was busy updating stuffs from yiyi so didn't really look at her..."
yes, i understand the long lost love birds reunion,
"let's have some beef ball noodles, it's been months we didn't taste it!" the hungry robin yelled,
so we head to our favorite noodle house,
and take different trains from the station back.

in the train,
as usual elaine and i again,
"you looked emo today vin, something bothering you?"
i can't really enjoy my favorite beef noodles becasue her goddess smile still stuck in my mind.
"no no, maybe is the first day of class."
"crap you idiot! you're always the most hyper punk in the gang, cut it out and tell me!"
"what's wrong with you!? care about your curly ponytail first! is like bunch of fresh seaweeds!"
our fight starts again,
as usual...

we need to go pass 10 stations to our town,
"DING!"
doors opened at the 4th station,
big crowd came in,
so we're squeezed to the window,
my face is forced to look out from the train,
there's a couple in the train station,
holding hands,
i'm so envy about it always...

*shit.....* i looked closely,
is her! my angel!
oh my god!
she has a boy friend already,
she chuckles and listening sweet talking from the boyfriend,
he's tall, macho, sporty kind of guy,
i'm hex and i'm gone.
my vision turns into monotone,
eyes opened wide and staring at my angel is so happy with that lucky guy.
"DING!"
doors closed.
the train is leaving the station,
my vision slowly lost her again,
my heart breaks into million pebbles,
i couldn't pick them up in time,
i'm so down and depress right now,
and i couldn't move an inch in the train,
i'm so small...
so small...

-to be continued-

metamorphosis - 01 - Who's Vin?

2009-04-06T23:43:00.005+08:00

the dawn is about to break,
i woke up and pack my big piles of brownish exercise books that i've been long abandoned,
today is my first day of class for year 2004,
senior already yet no one notice me in the school,
after my cold morning shower and white uniform and gray pants on,
spread the peanut butter on 2 slices of white bread,
almost forgot my cell phone left beside my bed,
i'm running to the train station in a mile away from my house,
the cooling winds of the morning is fresh and lively,
blowing leaves dance around my walking path,
yes,
i'm late again,
i missed the train.

vin,
5feet 9 height,
skinny figure,
fresh reddish pimples around this youth face,
an asian school boy with a green sling bag,
travel himself by train daily,
no bad habits,
no outstanding features.

the train just left right after i purchase the ticket,
i'm disappointed and squad down at a corner,
take out the big water bottle and start eating the bread,
put on his cassette walkman,
start listening tracks that cheer himself up in the morning,
looking at the sunrise and the sky turns blue.

the next train is heading to me now,
i stand up and place my quartered finished bottle due to i had a long run just now,
there's a girl with my school uniform from far,
running towards me,
or the train i think,
she's late like me,
i look closer when she reach the lighted station,
oh, is my long time 10 years buddy,
elaine,
the train's doors opened,
she came to me and just push me into the train,
my tiny body easily squeeze in the morning crowd,
elaine as well,
5feet 1 height,
body of a small asian girl with a curly pony tail,
start blaming me why didn't i gave her a morning call,
i said my phone was out of credit but actually i forgot.

after a long packed ride of train,
almost one hour,
our house is far from the city,
we live in a small chinese town,
we reach and see the church bell swings,
is the morning prayer,
we study in this catholic school for 3years and now is the forth,
the auto doors opened,
we dashed out like little kids start laughing about what we had in the holiday yet sweating and running towards the education place,
the morning assemble started,
as usual we're late and got the principle punished,
standing in a row under the country and school flags,
look who's there,
the morning crew,
robin, wilson and kit.

is we five again,
3 spectacle boys,a skinny one and chinese girl,
teasing and laughing at each other as usual,
forgot our monday green neckties.

our first day of class,
hoping for seeing cute and beautiful juniors,
yet is so disappointed,
age gap anyway.

robin,
around my height,
medium size of body,
thick black spectacle on,
loving a girl crazily right now,
is our junior,
kiwi,
one year younger.

wilson,
wide shoulder,
quite good looking the juniors mentioned,
optimistic and hopeful,
friends around from his town to his school,
no admirers and no admires yet.

kit,
fair white skin little boy,
has a girl friend in his class,
mysterious yet not so,
he calls me whenever he's sad,
juniors love him most,
averagely involve in activities,
good listener.

after morning session,
classes and sleeps,
*RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
twenty minutes break!
amazing!
we're senior now,
on our senior table in the canteen,
i drag my numb right leg due to long sleep in class to the locker room to get books for next class,
chatted with few junior girls,
they're kinda into me because i can draw i think,
back to my table with the morning ice milk tea,
yes, i don't eat for the first break but just pure crapping with people.

kit is missing as usual having basketball in the auditorium,
wilson is flirting with the juniors and making them laugh and teeth drop,
robin is sitting next to kiwi showing his chemical romance,
elaine is napping like dead fish on the table.

happened as usual.

it's time to back to class,
i'm still kinda sleepy so i decide go out from the school to have some fresh air,
i walked out from it,
the prefects are okay with it because we've good connection as usual.

i'm looking at the sun and start stretching,
smelling the great morning breeze of the city yet not so bad,
someone tapped on my shoulder,
i turned back...

a very sweet girl with fair skin,
long black hair,
as tall as me,
her crystal clear eyes with fine tempting eyelashes,
oh my god,
how lucky that i'm studying in a catholic school,
the god sent an angel right in front of me,
i stare blank at her,
my world is muted,
i'm in love.

she bend down a bit and starts waving her hand in front of my face,
finally i'm awake.

"yes?" i said,
"may i know where's the class of 4science?"
*oh my god, kit's CLASS!!* my insight,
"oh, you're a new student?" i'm looking at her uniform but isn't from our school,
"yes, can you lead me to the class please?" with her goddess smile.
"sure sure.... " my heart beats like thousand horses rampaging,

along the way to her class,
i can't say a word,
i'm blushed and panic,
she's just following me behind,
with her light baby pink sling bag,
probably just a small water bottle inside,
"here is it..."
"thanks." she went in the her smile and gentle hand waves to me.

oh my god....
i forgot to ask her name......

-to be continued-

RANDOM KILLS BOREDOM.

2009-04-06T22:30:00.001+08:00

got wasted!

2009-04-05T22:31:00.005+08:00

sizes.

still left so many....

can drink wei laston n chinhuei...

my waste... LOL!

successfully blocked the happen.

wasted face in the morning....

thank you for doing this again my friends! XD

sea weed. i puked all of it.

this as well, satay fish.

mixture of these good brother.

event : cheerish every moment

venue : vin's old house

hope you guys do enjoy but i don't think so...

LOL!

anyway thanks for coming,

can come anytime whenever you guys feel like drinking but don't know where to go.

wasted also nevermind because i have sofas n rooms.

next time i'll get a stand fan,

i know is freaking hot in it,

this old house gonna be sold soon,

so i party as much as i can there.

i got wasted right after you people left,

thanks daniel for doing the cleaning with me again,

one photo is taken in the party.

cheers!

one more time lai!

imagination

2009-04-02T23:32:00.006+08:00

this is my magazine contents page,

i love it, friends love it, my lecturer loves it most.

about imaginations,

i believe every human being do imagine all the time,

imagine one day vin lim is a big famous artist,

simply draw a circle on my friend, vL's Fairlady,

his car call sell for a million?

why not?

we human being love to make the impossibles possible.

maybe i can do tattoo on kins lee's head,

he might be a more famous advertiser,

maybe he is the next HITMAN main character,

HITMAN 2, the tattooed bald man strikes!

imagine im a mafia but don't have a italian rifle yet using paint brush to rule the city,

isn't it fantastic?

yes i'm an artist,

as my friends always said,

my weird acts and daring moves,

this is art.

i've split personality always,

4 of them,

vin lim, vin peaceman, kurt sieger and cosa nostra.

we all do different imaginations.

lim imagines what to do for the reality,

peaceman imagines the bold love,art and music,

kurt sieger imagines dynamic ideas and creativity,

cosa nostra imagines how to irritate and piss people off.

best team always,

this make me multi-task all the time,

i hold a shotgun but no sniper,

but i don simply shoot,

i always work on the same spot,

but can never be refined,

because i've too much of point of view,

so no point to do a review.

i'm leaving the academy soon,

days later might just left vin lim only,

stepping into the reality,

not my dream,

maybe no art,

no time for piano,

less time to find her,

i don't want to let go these but i've to.

continue my father's blood and sweat,

the hardcore breeding machine,

my father, Ngun Soon

raise me up and give me a black horse to ride on,

let me dunk in my dream for 21years,

is okay,

i've enough,

i'm happy to have them already.

daniel told me,

there's always hopes within the dark,

maybe in the future i'm a big fat tycoon who can still do graffiti on his tower,

or i failed my dad's business and selling paintings in the art market (pasar seni),

imaginations always happened,

all the time,

imagine please,

dream is the trigger of you,

chase it while you still have time and chance,

i did my best in art,

WOOTO, the graphic magazine,

might be my last master piece,

my master piece,

might be this academy work,

might be the future famous clothing brand you die for,

might be the tattoo on your ass,

might be the painting next to monalisa.

i always imagine the scenarios before i go to make the thing happen,

the fact might disappoint me,

might surprise me,

might happen exactly the same like my imagination.

start imagining today,

you can change anything on earth with it.

don't write, draw.

2009-04-01T16:06:00.008+08:00

slumberless night,

i drew this before i can concentrate on work again.

happy april's fool,

this year most people are streesed out and missing,

i've no chance to fool or be fooled,

weird...